The problem, really wasn't one of my "game". As far as game goes - this was a marathon run. On the whole, things were "handled" well. Sure, it wasn't perfect - but such things rarely are.
The problem is - game is a tool. It's a tool for developing and maintaining a state of attraction. And it was working - she frequently commented upon how charming I was.
The problem? The game was the only thing that I was focusing on.
And, when you do that, you can develop attraction - but not necessarily to the right target.
Yes, she was good looking. No doubt there. But she has a lot of problems. And a relationship with her would be a living hell. She was not the person that I wanted to develop attraction with.
And, yes, the signs were there. Very early.
She needed a nudge at every step of guided communication. This indicates someone who's preoccupied, or uninterested. Neither of which is worth the effort I expended.
After the kiss, she gave me a marathon session explaining why she wasn't ready for a relationship. And if I could think of anything other than how to win her over... I would have listened.
Bottom line - I got the outcome that I worked hard to obtain. And, in a sense, I deserved the result.
"Oh, come on", you might say. "I'd never continue something like that."
I posted this story to another seduction board... and that's pretty much what they said too.
But, it was only weeks later... calls were on the board for help with women who were doing the same things that this woman was doing. Asking for help on how to win over women who were preoccupied with other problems.
It's easy to get blinded by someone's beauty, or your need to master the game.... and miss the target you are going for. The relationship you want, with a woman worthy of your attention.
And some women are distractions. Not targets.
Maryann adds:
Scott wrote that some women are distractions, not targets. This is a really odd thing about dating, in general. On the one hand, we all need to practice just meeting new people, flirting, learning when and how to move to kissing, etc. On the other hand, while one of you is practicing, the other is falling in love or is scrutinizing everything, looking for a reason not to fall in love.
I used to naively think it was best to just be honest with each other about what we were doing and the outcome each of us was looking for, but it turns out that is just another game, or another turn in the game. The truth is, we don’t know which relationships will turn out to just be practice and which will develop into more. If we lean too much on the practice part, we end up with Scott’s experience of just going too far down a dead end street. If we focus too intently on finding The One, then all of our scrutinizing and screening will scare off the strongest candidates. After all, someone who is comfortable with himself (in my case) and is ready to offer love and kindness will not particularly enjoy a game of proving himself over and over on multiple shit tests.
I’m knee deep in this quandary right now. Since uploading an “8” picture, and re-working my profile a bit, I’m now on a hot streak, with five live men showing interest. Just this morning by eight am, I had received two phone calls and three emails. They are all out of town, so nothing too immediate is planned. One man is coming to my town on Friday, but we don’t have definite plans yet. So, I find myself in the startling new position of needing to make choices among them.
Am I just leading on the more marginal options? Or, am I remaining open to possibilities? Am I potentially screwing up the two I’m most interested in by playing around with the other three? At what point will I need to make a choice? Or, will they all disappear as quickly as they appeared? Perhaps I should keep working my inbox to keep a steady stream coming in until I am actually in a “committed relationship.”
So guys (and you women who read this), the truth is, you never know anything until you find out. We’re all groping in the dark on some level. One major lesson of dating is to learn to forgive ourselves and our dates for stumbling around and making some of these “mistakes.” There really is not a perfect way to go.
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