Usually, when people are doing poorly on eHarmony, they do a lot of things that are counterproductive to their success.
I've talked a lot about the classic "try harder" failure spiral, so I won't repeat myself there.
But, there is another failure spiral as well. It's a cycle of anger.
A lot of times, it's easy to become angry at one of your potential matches. She hasn't responded to an email in a week. Or a series of women who looked really promising refused to open. Or she's "too busy" to go on to the next step of a potential relationship.
The trouble is... when you're angry, you're showing that you're injured by her behavior. But, the fact is, she's a stranger. And, if you're angry at someone you've never even met... she has too much value in your life.
And that much dependence on a stranger's behavior? It's scary. And very unattractive.
If a woman isn't interested in talking to me? Well, she has a right to decide what she wants - just like I do. And if she sees absolutely no interest... well, I'm glad she's not taking time away from my meeting the women who are intrigued. So, it's really no loss. I wish her luck in finding what she's looking for.
If she's too busy? I'm glad to know about it now. There are women who think eHarmony can give them the impossible - the ability to meet men without interrupting their overcrowded and overscheduled lives. If a woman is too busy to meet a guy she's interested in... I feel sorry for her, and hope that she's able to get her life in order someday in the future. But I'm glad that she isn't wasting more of my time.
If she isn't making my standards? She never guaranteed me that she would. I close her, and wish her luck. She may be right for someone else - even if it's not for me.
If I'm having a bad run? Maybe it is a bad string of luck. Or, maybe I'm doing something wrong. But I'm never going to solve a problem by blaming her for it.
So, if you're angry... take a closer look. Odds are, it's your attitude that's making you angry. Not her.
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