War Story: Overagmed and Underqualified, Part 2.

Continued from our last chapter...

The next day, I receive an email. It's been awhile ago, and I don't remember the exact language she used, but one phrase that I think came close was, "You seem like a nice guy, but I'm not really sure yet."

I called her back later that day. She quickly starts to ask me questions about my divorce, and I tell her some of the story - essentially, that she had some real, personal problems that she refused to address, and the relationship couldn't function anymore. She quickly became concerned, telling me that she had fibromyalgia (a chronic pain syndrome that many people believe to be psychological), and my story really had her worried. She told me, "You told me that it's important for you to date people who are Jewish [a part of answering the "Why are you on eHarmony" question], and I respect that... but I need to know that you think Fibromyalgia is real, and you can deal with it."

I told her that I didn't know whether fibromyalgia was real or not, but I'm sure that her pain was, and I wasn't the type to argue about it. As for whether I'd be able to deal with it... I didn't know enough yet. I told her that I'm looking for someone who I could build a relationship with, and, if she's too sick to have one, it wouldn't work. And I asked her if that's really possible for her. She replied, "yes". A few awkward moments, she asked how I was feeling about our conversation, I replied it's a little weird... but I think we're bonding. She agreed, and went on a quick digression about, "I NEVER kiss on the first date. Never EVER!!", and I replied with, "Yeah, and I could tell you really hated it." She laughed, conversation ended quickly, and we set up a weekend to meet again.

Text banter followed, pretty flirtatious in nature. As I was driving up, she texted me that she needed some help from me... and when I arrived, she instructed me on how to apply some patches to her back for her pain. After that, the greeting was a little cold, but we went to our date (a jazz festival downtown), and the physical ice was finally broken when she giggled as I mentioned playing with our food. I went, "Hmm... I think I know what you like...", dabbed some of the lemon square desert on her cheek, kissed it off. She looked at me with a mock look of horror, I replied, "your turn". She smeared some on my lips - and it was on. To a point where we were quite a spectacle. I think one guy yelled, "Look at the classy guy getting it on with the hot chick!" We both laughed, I returned her home. She asked what I had planned the next day, I mentioned using the hotel gym/pool, and some shopping I had to do - my black pants were messy from the picnic, and I was going to wear them the next day. She was excited by the shopping.

Next day - I didn't get a call from her until late afternoon. She said that the fatigue got to her. I just mentioned that I did my workout... We meet up for lunch - things are a little more comfortable physically. We go to lunch, she asks a lot of questions regarding our separation, my ex-wife's repeated promises to change... and why I didn't stay. I finally asked her, "Well, when would you decide you've had enough excuses, and just accept that she's not going to change?"

She says, "Good point. I've always had problems with that." And starts going into the story with her cheatin' ex-husband. And her continued struggles with him. Over stuff that most people consider "lost causes" in divorce. Like the copy of Windows XP that she was supposed to get from him. Things that just aren't worth the effort for most people going through a divorce.

More mild shit-testing occurs during the day. Over dinner, I kind of confront her about how she likes to pick fights for attention - she gets angry. Actually starts crying. I apologize (mostly to shut her up), we go to the play we had planned (I already bought the ticket), she settles down.

We meet the next day, she's making an effort. Made breakfast for me, looking really good, even for her. And the next day goes well. The day ends, she mentions relaxing with some television at home at the end of the day, I say I'll join her.

We both flop on the beanbag in front of her television, start cuddling, quickly move to making out, and we're pretty hot n' heavy to third base. She tells me that she's got some "trigger points" that need to be relaxed before we go further, or she "can't release" because of her fibromyalgia, and goes to her bedroom for some latex gloves and lubricant. (Already, this isn't sounding like so much fun anymore.)

On the way to the bedroom, the phone rings. She reads the caller I.D., and picks up the phone. Some screaming and carrying on in the bedroom (not the kind I want), she eventually comes out, asking if we could just rest. I agree, ask if it's the ex-husband, she answers yes.

I leave an hour or so later, head home. I call the next day, we decide to be friends.

So... that's the disaster. We'll pick through the "lessons learned" tomorrow.