So, you've done things right so far - you're with a woman, and you're attracted to each other. And things are feeling good.
So, when is it time to get it on?
That depends on what you're looking for. And what she's looking for.
And you need to be very clear on what you're looking for. Because women will not want to be with a man who thinks that sex is worth much more, or much less, than they do. And if a man does not make the meaning of sex clear... she's going to be very uncomfortable. And when she's uncomfortable, nothing is going to happen.
So, when it's comfortable, bring it into the conversation. Don't force it. Wait for the subject to open. If the chemistry is there... it will come up on it's own.
If you're interested in only physical relationships, tell her about the fact that you're dating a lot of women, and you're only interested in a physical relationship for now.
If you want to wait until you're married, talk about how a lot of women become impatient with your moral beliefs that sex is something that should occur after marriage.
If you feel you should have sex only with people who have "relationship potential", talk about how you've had to dump women who you've had chemistry with, because they felt conflicted about having a relationship.
Or, if you feel that chemistry is all you need... don't be afraid to tell them about how so many women refuse to take relationships a step at a time, and ruin "the moments" in the pursuit of their agenda.
And, yes, when you do this, you're facing the very real possibility that a woman won't like what you're offering. But, if she's uncomfortable with what you offer... you're better off finding someone who is.
As I always say, "No fear".
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3 comments:
Some good advice as always Scott.
One question arises though - aren't most women on eHarmony looking for a potential mate/husband? If so, then won't many feel a bit let down if after developing an embryonic relationship, you then inform them that you are looking for a physical relationship only?
I think it has been discussed before that eHarmony are toning down their "find your husband/wife here" sales pitch and marketing it more as "find a date here". That combined with some grown-up discussion, as you mention, should defuse a situation like I mentioned.
Anyway, the timely advice offered is appreciated. This blog is a good read.
Pilgrim,
I'm surprised to hear myself saying this, but I don't think you can count on a woman on eH being typical anymore. I've found myself having to take each match on a case by case basis lately and not assume too much about what her expectations are.
I think you read my blog about my experience with Spring. I took basically the approach that Scott suggests. When I had "the big talk," I had no fear and I was prepared if she decided that she wanted to pass. The jury is still out on our relationship and on sex, but at least we are clear about where each other stand.
"Fear is the mind killer."
-Frank Herbert
Well, I can't speak from experience about the "I only have time for a physical relationship" approach. But, I imagine that, if this is what you're looking for, you'd probably send a lot of signals in the profile and in conversation. And, I imagine, there wouldn't be much of a "getting to know you" emotional bonding... because that's not what it's about.
Maybe some folks on the group can talk with a little more experience?
And, ultimately, if a woman is angry because she presumes that you want something that you never SAID you wanted... is that really your fault?
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