Overcoming the fear of establishing touch

As I've mentioned before, overcoming my fear of establishing touch was a key ingredient in avoiding the "friend zone".

And a lot of guys do feel anxious about opening that barrier with a woman. But it's an important barrier. After all, for the "friend zone" to be a problem, you have to want a physical relationship. And most women won't go directly from no touch at all to making out. Much less joining you in the bedroom. It's too much of a leap. It has to go in stages, much like other folks' guides to "kino escalation", which is the fancy pickup artist word for "establishing touch". (Google for it, if you need other people's guides to the intermediate steps.)

How did I overcome that fear? Here are some tips:

• Know that the fear is okay. If you're trembling or nervous... it's fine. Some women consider it flattering, and this reaction actually saves you from being labeled as a "player."
• Start by establishing touch with men. Pat them on the shoulder when you're telling a joke. Make playful pokes. Get used to it as a way to bond with someone in a nonsexual way.
• Start at the lower end of the "kino escalation" spectrum. Start with taps on the back of the hand as she shows a sign of interest.
• Learn a few playful games. I'm not normally a fan of "scripted" behavior, but, in this case, it might be a good "training wheel" until you learn to handle your anxiety. There are some good pickup artist routines that involve touch. Palm-reading is a classic. In the right environments, thumb-wrestling or comparing hand sizes can work well too.
• If you change venues during the date (something I recommend doing), offer your arm. It's gentlemanly, and starts at the lower end of the kino escalation spectrum.

In all? Just get out there and do it. Trust me. If a woman is interested in you, she wants you to establish touch with her. Don't disappoint. Unless you want to.