How to use eHarmony dogma... in YOUR favor!

As I've mentioned many times over, the key to avoiding the "friend zone" on eHarmony is to appear to be a desirable guy, who isn't quite sure about the woman you're meeting. Because, when that happens, a woman has to work a little bit in order to attract your attention. And she'll justify that work by telling herself... that you're a desirable guy.

The funny thing is... the eHarmony dogma can actually help you in this task.

Do you see how often eHarmony pushes their "chemistry" line?

They build expectations for chemistry in their television ads.

And they repeat it in their emails.

After the advertisements appealing to the possibility of chemistry... they take it away after you've paid money. Their first message includes the phrase:

We judge compatibility - You judge chemistry! In this partnership, we bring you singles that match you on the inside. Don't let matches where initial chemistry is not strong discourage you. When you find a special person with whom you sense chemistry and attraction you'll know you're set to get to know each other better.

And, if you didn't get the hint, another message follows:

What about Chemistry?

We are passionate about chemistry and believe it to be a big part of any brilliant relationship. As eHarmony founder Neil Clark Warren writes, "Building a great marriage is virtually impossible without the attraction and excitement that come with passionate love."

It is certainly one of the most mysterious of all human emotions and varies inexplicably from person to person in a way that makes it difficult to factor into the matching process. So...we DON'T match on it.

What we focus on is compatibility—matching you based on 29 key dimensions that are vital to long-term relationship success. So we screen for compatibility first and then you determine where there is mutual chemistry.

They held out the promise... and now, it's only a possibility. Tricky, ain't they?

And, then, when a match is reached, they hold out the possibility again.

The next step, Scott, is for you to begin communicating with ________. Explore your shared areas of compatibility, and have fun discovering if there's chemistry.

Guess what? The eHarmony marketing machine has built a lot of tension for you. The possibility of chemistry and happiness...

You'd be foolish not to use it.

It's a great topic to reinforce on the phone. I talk about my eHarmony experience. And about how eHarmony predicts who I'll "get along with", but how rare chemistry is.

And now, if you've done your job, and look like a desirable man... chemistry is her worry, not yours.

After all, you can accept her as "just a friend", right?

Wink, wink. Nudge nudge. I'll say no more.