A lot of talk... some of it good, some of it going in another direction.
Here's what I take home.
First of all... Thanks to our anonymous member for sharing. It took a lot of courage. I posted it because it's a common problem.
When you first start getting good enough to interact with attractive women... our heads kind of spin.
The thoughts go through your head, "I have to get this one to prove myself."
I've been through that phase too. Sometime, I'll write about it. But when you have that attitude, bad things happen.
First of all, we show our neediness in ways that seem subtle to us... but are obvious to the person we're talking to.
Next, we miss important signals. Even someone who didn't immediately think to do the math... could have seen that she's an awfully young doctor. And that she didn't put much effort into her profile. After realizing these things - you do the math, and discover she's a resident. And that, unless both of you are interested only in "call room quickies", it's a dead end from the beginning.
So, again... beauty does cloud our minds.
How do you deal with it?
First of all, start trying to learn to recognize it when it happens. Recognize when you've got the "gotta-have-its". When you stop being curious about her, and start chasing her instead.
Recognize when you're breaking up your life for a woman you haven't even met. eHarmony should not be a job. Don't log in often. Messages should not take a back seat to living your life. Or, if you're not that busy - building your life.
And if you find yourself in this cycle - think. Go into fault-finding mode if you must.
Because high-quality women see the subtle signals we send when we're in the "gotta-have-its". And they don't like or respect guys who've already made up their minds before meeting them.
Maryann adds:
I think your analysis about the eagerness problem was probably right, but I noticed something else. He showed no interest in her as a person. She opened by asking him something personal from his profile and/or guided communications. He answered and ended by asking if she has been to the place(s), but didn’t suggest that they could go there if she is interested. Then he closes with what he hopes she is, but shows no interest in actually getting to know her at all. In fact, he threatens to break up if she isn’t what he has created in his mind. As I look at this example, I’m wondering just how she could respond to that? I’d be tempted to respond with just “yes,” or “no.” (Have you been?)
I understand the move of trying to stay away from gushing and complimenting her hot looks and joining all the schmucks who offer bribes, etc. That is all well and good. But, she expressed an interest in who he actually is. He should return the favor.
I’m writing this up, not to hammer away at the poor brave soul who offered his exchange for comment, but simply because I have this problem a lot. I have two guys in open communication right now. They both have this problem. They want me to prove that I am what they are looking for, but don’t actually ask anything about me. It feels really odd to have a guy overtly flirting in a completely impersonal way. Do they really need me on the other end? A simple, “how is your day going?” would go a long way!
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