From the Labs: A new "No response" letter

Well, it finally happened to me. I sent out a first "open communication" letter, a week flew by, and the woman didn't respond.

The pick-up artist community has devised a lot of "no response" letters for these occasions. Most of them use humor, in an attempt to show that they are unaffected by the lack of response.

I've used these types of letters on JDate before. They do work. But I wanted to try something different.

In my mind, a woman who's gone through guided communication has already invested some time in meeting you. If she isn't responding... it's because she's busy, or she's lost interest. And, if she's lost interest, one witty line isn't going to bring it back. In fact, the attempt might be seen as pushing her too hard.

What would be a normal, social, non-pushy way to handle someone who didn't respond to a letter?

I asked myself, "What do I do when I call a friend, leave a message, and he doesn't call back?" I don't write cocky and funny jokes to goad his response. I assume he's busy, go about my life, and call him later.

So, that's exactly what I did with her. A few days later, I left a message, describing (in two short lines) what I did over the weekend... and asked her what she's been up to.

No pressure necessary. She's interested in talking further... or she's not. An attempt to goad her into response just seems silly.

And, yes, it "worked", in the sense that I got a response. But, in the end, the chemistry had been "off" from the beginning (this was the woman who spent her first round questions asking about my views of romance), and it didn't get better with her message. I closed the match.

But, if the reason that she didn't respond was legitimate... I'd have felt a lot better with my response than if I tried to goad her with a "cocky and funny" line.

After all, how awkward would I feel if she responded, "No, I'm not a brat who's playing hard to get. I didn't respond because my father died in an auto accident"?

Maryann says:
I agree with your approach to non-responsiveness. Defensiveness seems to be a real problem with eH. Since it takes so many steps to get to open communication, including must haves/ can’t stands, there is a lot of negativity and skepticism between first reading a profile/viewing a pic and actually carrying on a conversation. Giving matches the benefit of the doubt demonstrates advanced relationship skills and self-confidence.