There has been some confusion on the Google Group, on what a bribe is.
A technical definition might be, "An attempt to gain a woman's interest by offering anything other than your genuine self."
And I come down hard against bribe attempts. They imply that, even on your best days, you believe that your best self isn't good enough to intrigue anyone. And that attitude is unattractive.
Despite the definition, it can sometimes be hard to figure out if you're offering a bribe.
Here's one way to know.
If you act a certain way, and a woman rejects it, how do you feel?
If you shrug your shoulders, and go, "Hmm... I wonder if we're such a good fit, after all", then it's probably not a bribe.
If, on the other hand, you feel confused about the fact that she didn't like what you've offered, it's a bad sign that you're in bribe mentality.
If you're angry that she didn't accept your generosity, that's another sign.
Because when people offer bribes, they think they're offering a "sure thing". And when you're offering yourself, that sense of certainty is never there.
In this game, the only thing that you can be certain of, is that a woman who doesn't like you isn't worth pursuing.
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4 comments:
Thanks for finally defining this. As I suspected, we've had a terminology conflict. Or a fundamental difference of opinion.
The dictionary defines a bribe as "Something serving to influence or persuade." In everyday life bribes are inappropriate and unearned.
I've defined eH bribe questions as a request for something that _could_ be interpreted as an offer of something inappropriate to the circumstances. "How many books have you read" is an appropriate first question, but "where would you spend a dream vacation" may not be. Even if I answer honestly and without fear and say that I'd go to Paris, she can interpret that as an offer, something she didn't have to work for. As if she's asked me to buy her a drink and I've done it without question. This lets her view me as someone that she doesn't have to work to attract.
You've introduced the notion that a bribe is something that doesn't come from "your genuine self". I think you need a different word for your concept, and I'm not sure what it would be. My genuine self may really want to go to Paris and serenade someone. But I think it's a bribe to say so. (Maybe I should start using a different word.)
I also disagree 100% with your comments about rejection. If I've done or offered something insincere, and it's rejected, so what? But rejection of something that is in fact genuine? Shouldn't I be much more confused or angry? This rejection is a rejection of "me", not just my "game". That's how I view it.
I think we've gone over that first part on the google group. I've got no new points... so let's agree to disagree.
If your "genuine self" genuinely wants to go to Paris to serenade a nearly complete stranger... more power to you, but I think most women would find that just too scary.
And, if you think that your "genuine self" is right for EVERY woman... you're due for disappointment. Me? I'm just happy that I'm open for someone who's a better fit.
That's my point. Many women would find any actual "offer" to be scary, or at least an unsolicited offer. A bribe, if you will. They are no-win questions. I wouldn't say Paris, in fact I wouldn't offer anything concrete. You know that.
I think you're waffling again. One day you say "be yourself, show no fear" and today you say that it sets up the potential for disappointment.
You gave a hypothetical situation. I told you what I'd say to such a hypothetical person. I never meant to imply that it was you... sorry if I made such an implication.
And not every "match" SHOULD work out. Disappointments are an inevitable part of dating. In my humble opinion, anyway.
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