eHarmony is a bit unusual, for an online "dating" service. Most of these services have very clear checkboxes to say whether you're divorced, or have children. eHarmony doesn't.
So, should you talk about your ex-wife and children?
That depends.
The question you should as yourself is, "Does it really matter?"
As I've mentioned before, I'm divorced. There is no hope or desire to reconcile. Me and my ex-wife don't talk to each other. I do have to send checks to her once in awhile... but I'd have to go very far in a relationship before a woman would know any financial information about me. So, it's not relevant. And I don't mention it at all in my profile.
If someone asks me about it (and they usually will during the phone conversation or during pre-date banter), I'll say that I've been divorced. What more I'll say depends on how ready they are to talk about their past relationships, and how comfortable the conversation is.
But, really, my divorce is not a part of my everyday life, my passions, or my beliefs. It doesn't belong on my profile.
If you have children... it would depend upon your situation.
If you don't have children who live with you (or you have easy access to sitters), and you're only looking for a few casual flings... I'd say it's not relevant to the relationships that you're seeking. And I wouldn't mention it.
If you're looking for marriage potential, your geographic boundaries are large, you have children who live with you, and your ability to travel is limited... I'd say that it's very relevant. You don't want to waste time with women who aren't going to be able to handle these limitations. And it's impolite to ask for their time.
If that's the case, I'd mention it one time in your profile, in a nondefensive manner. They might make a good subject for, "People who've had an impact on my life" - it's an opportunity to talk about how they made you more mature, open, or caring. And it's a way to talk about them in a very positive light.
But only say it once. Repeats make you look defensive.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
In one of my matches profiles she writes, "The most influential person in Kristen's life has been:"
My ex-husband. He helped me to really believe in myself, and always encouraged me to try new things.
Should I close her out?
I'm not looking forward to coming clean on being divorced, when asked. I recognize that its best to be honest about it but I just feel that it implies so many negatives and stereotypes. Hopefully, whoever is asking will accept the fact that I wasn't married long, had no children from the marriage and ceased all contact with the ex when the divorce was finalized several years ago.
Still, wouldn't most people assume "baggage" when you say the D-word? I think I got off lightly compared to a lot of divorcees.
GREAT question, Pilgrim. I'm moving it to the google group.
Post a Comment