War Story: The Dying Father

I think I'll let your picture on Hot or Not sit for another day. On weekdays, it usually takes a few days to get 100 votes... we'll talk about the results tomorrow.

Anyway, here's something that happened to me recently....

This match... has me intrigued. So far, things are looking up - she shows intelligence through her profile and answers, her picture looks good (I'll need to ask for more)... good initial signs. No, I'm not sold yet. Nor should I be, at this stage.

Anyway, she snuck this comment into one of the answers to my questions....

"This is not an answer to your question, but an explanation of why my communication has been and may continue to be erratic. My Dad has been seriously ill for about three years, but this week he has taken a dramatic turn for the worse. Quite apart from the fact that I often don't see a computer for several days at a time, I'm just finding this, needless to say, a very difficult time, and it is hard to focus on much else besides trying to make sure his pain is alleviated and trying to grapple with what lies ahead in the near future."

An interesting situation. Given her circumstances, I'm flattered that she's communicating at all.

So, I've been handed the bomb... what do I do with it?

I imagine that, in my more ineffective days... I'd send sympathies and reassurance that I'll wait.

That would have been a mistake.

Even with her circumstances, I don't want to imply that I'm already sold. That kills any suspense, or any drive to meet me. After all, why place a value on a guy who says he'll wait forever for you?

So, let's not do the kneejerk thing. Let's really listen to what she's asking for.

She's not asking for sympathy. And the fact is, I don't know anything about her circumstances... so any simple platitudes would be... just a guy sucking up.

She only wanted to explain why she's not communicating as frequently as she'd like.

The correct answer? "I understand." I'm not angry (how can I be?) or scared. I just don't know her that well.

So, what was my answer? I started my first answer with:

"First off: Sorry to hear about your father. Definitely, do whatever you need to do... I'm just zis guy in [the city I live in], 'ya know? Anyway, back to your question:"

And, there you go. She's already hooked. That stem gives her permission to reel herself in. And if she accepts that invitation... it's working in my favor.