Phone troubles?

There are some problems that people encounter during that first phone call. I certainly can't go through all of the possibilities...

But, really, in the end, if any of these problems are common, it probably isn't a problem with your phone call technique. The problem is that you didn't create enough interest (by building intrigue in the profile, and by asking good questions), or that she's feeling uncomfortable (you've sent her the signal that she's already won you over, before you've even met).

So, if any "phone problems" are common... take a look at what happened before the phone call.

But, problems occasionally happen even when you run a tight game... here's how to handle them.

"She's not answering the phone" - Don't act wounded, and don't play into the game of chasing her. If she's not home when you make your first call, do what I do. Say, with confidence, playfulness, and no hurt feelings whatsoever, "Hi, it's ____, from eHarmony. Phone tag, you're it. Give me a call back at _______."

If she doesn't call back in a week - send one text message, along the lines of "How are you doing?" If she texts back, answer, "I'm waiting for my call..."

And if that doesn't work... move on. Like I said, people who can't make a phone call aren't that interested.

"We're having a scheduling problem" - This is a giant red flag. It means that, either, the woman is so overscheduled that she doesn't have time to get to know you, or that she's not interested enough to move some other things around in her schedule. Either problem indicates that you need to move on.

"She cancelled." - Unless they've got a great excuse, I don't reschedule. If you've got plenty of matches, and too little time, why on earth do you want to give anyone a second chance?

"She's dictating what to do." - If she's just asking if you have plans for after the date, I'd just reply, "Well... maybe. We'll see how this goes, first." And some reasonable objections should be addressed with sensitivity. (If she's a former alcoholic who doesn't want to join you for drinks, for instance.) But if she's starting to push for certain things to do, complaining she'd like to do do something more elaborate, whine about how far from her home she's willing to go, or whatever... you need to nip those problems in the bud quickly. Usually, a quick, "Hey, if you're asking me on a date, that's cool..." will stop objections quickly. If not... I'd accept her invitation.