Handling mixed signals

Sometimes, physical escalation doesn't go as smoothly as my last post suggests.

The most common problem that I see is that of "mixed signals".

For example: She's accepting your touch... but tensing, and not reciprocating.

There are a couple of reasons why this might be happening: both good and bad.

In the more hopeful case, you're confirming that she's attracted to you, but she's not comfortable with you yet.

In my last post, you may have noticed that I made an unusual stem for conversation: "I'm sure you've got a million questions, go ahead." It flies in the face of conventional PUA technique.

But, PUA technique is designed to enhance attraction. By this time, you should have it. And the fact that you're getting mixed signals helps to confirm it. (If she's not attracted, you'll get no signals.)

She's attracted, but she's anxious about something. By letting her ask a few questions, she'll let you know what's behind the "block".

Listen to her questions. Not only the question itself, but to whatever anxiety is forcing her to ask those questions.

In my experience... the biggest "blocks" are in determining my intentions (if I'm really looking for a serious relationship), and in reassuring themselves that my divorce was for the right reasons. You will probably have a different set of usual "blocks", that will become more familiar to you as you proceed.

Usually, when these are addressed correctly, the "block" will fade nicely.

But, sometimes, the block is a little deeper. And, when it's too deep, the best you can do is confirm that really is her block, and not something you're doing wrong.

During those times, it's important to really listen to what she's saying.

For example, I had one date who wasn't reassured by the usual divorce story. That seemed unusual. But the talk marched on, and she started to talk about how she left her fiancee 3 months before meeting me.

My response, "Wow. That's got to be hard. How are you feeling about dating right now?"

She answered, "I'm really not very sure. I only signed onto eHarmony for the personality test. But you seemed interesting, so you were the only guy that I talked to."

From that answer... I pretty much confirmed that she wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship yet. Otherwise, she seemed okay.

I wrapped up the date quickly, and emailed her the next day saying that I thought there might have been some chemistry... but I sensed that it was just too soon for her to return to dating. She agreed. And we still casually keep in touch today. But pursuing this woman would be a mistake. There's too much damage, and I'm better off finding a woman who is more emotionally ready for what I want.

So... if those blocks are too large to address... act with class. And move on. You don't want to become a therapist for the emotionally unstable women out there. And there are a lot of them.

And, also, be aware that this advice is for "mixed signals" coming from rather casual touch. Frank sexual contact is another can of worms, and most women will give some mixed signals before they have sex with you.

We'll talk about how to handle that later.