That first phone call...

The tone most men take during their first eHarmony phone call is something along the lines of: "Wow. We've got so much in common. I really like you. Already. We have to meet."

Imagine yourself in the woman's place for a moment.

If you weren't so sure... how would you feel when a man started gushing these sentiments? It makes a woman uncomfortable.

So, stop for a minute, and think.

The fact is, this degree of certainty before even meeting a woman is unhealthy.

Yes, according to a personality profile, you have some compatible character traits. But if someone is self-deluded... that profile is going to be inaccurate.

Yes, her profile mentions some interests which you share. If she's telling the truth.

Yes, her picture looks good. If that's really her.

So... the average guy's approach not only scares women away, it's also unhealthy.

So, what should you do during that first phone call?

Clearly, if you're going to truly evaluate whether an eHarmony match is right for you... you have to meet her. The phone call should exist to build some tension, and arrange a meeting.

To build tension... you need to ask good questions. Don't be confrontational, but ask questions that express curiosity and a hint of unsureness and unease.

And to build tension, you need to keep that phone call short. 15 minutes is the goal. You want her to leave that phone call feeling like it was too short. That way, she'll show up on the date, curious to know more.

Toward the end of the phone call, offer to meet (don't call it a date), as if to say that it's the only way to get to know each other. And lay out some of your plans.

It's really that simple.