The Oracle answers your questions...

As comic relief once, I answered some of the sillier search terms that people used to discover my website.

And, you know... I really don't think my answers were all that funny.

Hey, everyone has an off day once in awhile.

Anyway, I'm feeling kind of lazy today. So, I've outsourced the joke-writing to the great Internet Oracle.

Hey, at least I can afford him.

Enjoy...

----------

> Oh, Oracle, who couldst answer an infinitely impossible riddle:
>
> How do I answer eHarmony questions?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} With lies. Huge lies. Really, really misleading lies.
}
} Unless you're a female then that fact is all you need
} to convey to get inundated with responses.
}
} You owe the Oracle a moat.

-------------

> Oh, greatest oracle. Who couldst create weath greater than Warren
> Buffet's by selling worn-out shoelaces. Please, take pity on my sad,
> unknowing self, and provide the answer to my query...
>
> Is eHarmony incorporated?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Every notice it's an anagram of "am horney"? Or if
} you prefer "ram honey".

----------------

> Oh, Oracle most keen...
>
> What cheat codes are there for eHarmony?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} $$$$$ and 36DD will increase your hit points.

--------------

> O ORICUL,
>
> WHY DO PSYCHOLOGIST TEST PEOPLE?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Even though your spelilgn is worse I will help you to find your
} question. (Spelling is irrelevant. You can read easily when the right
} letters are between the first and the last.)
} Ok, let's go somwhere where you can let your thoghts flow. I recommend
} the shower, or the toilet. Now what is a situation that will you let
} become a psychologist.
} This ist the time for you to say, no such situation will ever occur to
} me! If, not you may want to reflect over your state of mind. If your
} mental evauation is finished, you may see your fine condition.
} If you happen to be a psychologist, you are insane. Why else would you
} have sudied such a interesting and unusual subject. But after you're
} finished exploring you're own mind, you'll ask youself, is it only me,
} who is that mauch wired. And you'll see, that normal people are'nt. So
} you keep on testing people, on your eternal search for the proof of your
} sanity. But it's senseless because something false can't be prooved. And
} thts why...
} I DECLARE:
} EVERYTHING IS CLEAR NOW!!!!oneeleven
} IF THOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THOU ARE NOT WORTH IT!
} Ok...allright...then...somethi

ngs missing *hm*...maybe something like:
} You owe the oracle an complete xenopsychology-exobiology intersection
} essey (inclusive source decarations!)

--------------

> Oh, oracle, who couldst hack his way into a website in spite of the
> fact that it is undergoing a DOS attack from an infinite number of
> bots...
>
> Can you give me a promo code for returning eHarmony subscribers?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} If you really want to meet a female just tell your friends
} you are 'looking', they'll trip over each other to set you
} up with nice...
}
} Oh.
}
} No friends at all?
}
} Hmm.
}
} Not even coworkers who...
}
} Dang.
}
} Well, eHarmony is made for you. Just have a valid credit
} card and eHarmony will be your pal.
}
} WHAT?
}
} Not even a debit card with a...
}
} Wow.
}
} Look, go to the market and buy a bag of dates, because
} that's as close to getting any you're going to get dude.
}
} You owe the Oracle some space.