Search term madness!

Since many of the posters in our blog network have been having a few laughs about the stupid search terms that brought people into their site... I thought I might join in the fun.

So, to satisfy our more interesting google searchers, here's a list of some of your questions, and my answers.

eHarmony doesn't tell me she's married!
Wow. People actually lie on eHarmony. I would have never guessed.

What are women looking for on eHarmony?
For one, a man who wouldn't try to resolve his insecurities with a google search.

What are the right answers to the eHarmony questions?
In Phase 1? A, B, C and D.

Google say I find musterbation pictures here. Where are they?
Google does not know
how to translate your engrish.
Sorry, no porn here.

If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you'd do for me?
Tell you to grow a spine?

Make her chase you?
Tell me about her. If she's lucky, I might let her catch me.

eHarmony matched me with my ex-boyfriend!
Well, that settles it. You need to go back to him, or you'll be doomed to a life of loneliness and desperation. Unless you've actually developed the capacity for independent thought... then never mind.

On eHarmony, should women start communicating?
No. Only the ones that want to meet guys. The ones who don't can save themselves some trouble and email me their credit card numbers...

The Don PUA
Not really a question. But I'll bet that he'll give you an opener that you can't refuse...

Is anyone too ugly for eHarmony?
Have you SEEN the commercials?

How do you feel about premarital sex?
Why, are you offering it?

Why don't people respond on eHarmony?
Sorry, they do respond. Just not to you.

Does a relationship with no chemistry work?
Only if the two of you want to lead sad, pathetic lives...

How do you beat a pickup artist?
Depends what you mean. You could say "no." Or you could use any blunt object.

Does anyone send a final message on eHarmony?
Yes. And, with your generous contribution, we'll set up a habitat for these rare and unusual creatures. Just email me your credit card number, and the amount you'd like to donate.


Another edition of the "Search engine mailbag" coming soon. Or, maybe not.