About the "etiquette-based" advice...

Yes, folks, I'm sure that I'm not the only one out there giving advice on online services and dating.

And I definitely encourage you to read more. Lord knows, I'm not the only source of ideas. I may (shudder) even be wrong once in awhile.

But there are some types of advice that are just plain bad. And, over the next few days, I thought I'd spend a little time talking about "advice" that's best avoided or heavily modified.

Let's start with what I consider the most common type of advice. What I call "etiquette-driven" advice.

It's probably the most common type of advice in the media. Coming from "standard" advice columns and dating books.

They come from a standpoint of, "This is how people should behave on a date."

Some people might need this advice. If you're having dates reject you because you're being rude or disrespectful... start with that advice. It will give you some guidelines on what you need to do to keep yourself from becoming offensive and disrespectful towards women.

But, in my experience, that isn't the advice that most people need. Most people know how to behave politely.

And, although polite behavior will keep you from being offensive, it does little to build attraction. Don't forget about it entirely - you can't be rude, and some gestures (such as opening doors, sitting on the correct side of the table, and walking on the traffic-side of the curb) can make you look classy. (At least, for the women who notice these gestures.) But, too much "polite" behavior (for example, the observation that planning the next date at the end of the first date can be considered polite) serves to reduce the tension that leads to a sense of attraction.

So, if your problem is attraction... skip the etiquette lessons for now.