When you're NOT a hottie...

Yes, I know. There are a lot of readers who have little sympathy for the problems that I've shared yesterday.

Their looks are not 8's. Or even 6's.

I know how difficult that can be. During my early days on eHarmony, I used pictures that (later) were tested on Hot or Not as 5's and below.

Yes, it was a pretty dismal start. And, yes, most matches would close me because of "Other", or "Because the chemistry isn't there."

The best way to fix this problem? Do a style makeover. Male attractiveness depends much more upon style, grooming, and hygiene than anything else. My appearance improved tremendously when I started to take better care of myself, and tried taking a few risks with my personal style.

But, for some guys, it may not be possible. I imagine that some guys have been disfigured by a shotgun blast to the face. Or they've been involved in a train wreck, and they've needed 18 surgeries to be able to drink from a straw again.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. But, perhaps, for some readers, improving your looks to a 6 or 7 (a 7 will give you better results, in my experience) may not be possible.

I can't say that I've had personal experience in turning results around when I rated less than a 6. However, after listening to other forums and our own Google group, there have been a few strategies suggested to mitigate the problem.

The first strategy? Put the pictures up anyway. Accept the rejections. A lot of women are closed-minded to meeting people they don't consider good-looking. Let 'em close. At least you'll be spending your energy on the people who will want to meet with you.

Another strategy that's emerged... is the opposite.

Have pictures available. But don't show them until they ask for 'em in open communication.

If they give you a picture nudge? That's fine. People following this strategy ignore picture nudges.

In a way, this strategy makes sense. Some women will reject a guy who isn't providing photos... but these were unlikely to be accepting the photos that he'd be able to provide, anyway. And when a woman has put some effort into maintaining communication with a guy, she's less likely to reject him quickly.

Which strategy do you prefer? It depends on your beliefs, and the efforts that you're willing to make.

But, unfortunately, even online, looks do make a difference.

I wish that wasn't true. But, my experience says otherwise.