Over the last few days, eHarmony has introduced a new wrinkle into the system - the "Who's Viewed Me" list. If you haven't found it yet, it's on your eHarmony home page.
This list can cause a few changes in the ways you should manage your matches. So, let's start by looking at how it works.
Basically, left at default, whenever someone views a profile, they will appear on the "Who's Viewed Me" list of the person that they viewed. This list will also tell the person how long ago that view was, to within a day. It also seems that this list only goes back two weeks - after that, they'll no longer appear.
There is one wrinkle to this system, however. Buried in the user settings, you have an option to appear anonymously on the "Who's viewed me" list. If someone chooses this setting, it will say that the person who viewed the profile was anonymous - but it will still say that someone viewed it.
How not to look like a creep
Obviously, I haven't had enough time to explore people's perceptions of this list. However, I imagine that it can make a lot of guys look creepy.
First of all, if you've requested communication a few days ago, but a woman sees that you looked at her profile that day (or, even worse, has seen you viewing her profile several times)... it makes you look kind of creepy.
So, frequent profile-viewers might be saying, "So, I should make myself anonymous, right?"
Unfortunately, if you leave it on the "anonymous" setting, she won't see your name on the "Who's viewed me" list when you initiate or advance communication. And if you need to make the effort to turn the anonymity setting on... that kinda looks creepy, too, in my opinion.
Yes, I suppose you could circumvent the system. You could save screen shots. Or you could turn anonymity off when you communicate, and turn it on when you don't. But, frankly, that's a lot of effort. And you have to ask yourself, "Why do I really need to do this?"
My advice? Leave anonymity off. And only view matches when you're initiating, advancing, or closing communication.
It's better for your mental hygiene, anyway.
About those Greasemonkey scripts...
Awhile ago, I pointed members to some scripts that simplify match management. Unfortunately, they do automatically refresh data by invisibly opening profiles, in order to collect data from them.
So, yes, if you're running the "My Matches" script, every woman on your list will get the (false) idea that you're reading their profile every time you run it.
So, until the authors make some changes, I'd hold off on using them.
So, she's viewed me. What does that mean?
Not that much. It means that she's looking.
It doesn't say whether or not she's a paying member who is capable of communication.
... She hasn't viewed me. What does that mean?
You don't really know. It's possible that she's an ex-member that hasn't turned her matching off. Or, she could be on vacation. Or sick. Or, she's a very attractive woman who can't keep up with the flood of communication requests coming her way.
... So, what's the point of this?
Beats me. The most helpful information that eHarmony could give us would be telling us whether or not she's a paid member, and how many days ago her last login was. They're not giving that.
But, it is data. How do you make sense of it? I'll leave that up to you.
BittenChick says:
So Dr. Warren and Co. have finally jumped on the bandwagon and implemented one of the most obsessively-popular (and frustrating) features that many dating sites share: The "Who's Viewed Me" List! Long a source of entertainment and paranoia on sites like Match.com -- ask me how I know! -- this new system will definitely affect the way that members use eHarmony from now on.
How so? Your smart and savvy dream woman (especially if you rate her looks at an 8 or above) is already familiar with the "who's checking out who" game, even if she's new to online dating. Most gals have been in a social situation where a friend says: "Don't look now, but that guy over there is totally checking you out!" The confident woman might give this looker a coy glance in return, but she won't run over excitedly and introduce herself. She'll be patient and wait for him to make the move. These "Who's Viewed Me" lists work in similar ways.
On one hand, eH's implementation of this feature is a triumph, because it brings members one step closer to being able to weed out the dreaded "dead profiles". But it can be a double-edged sword as well. Consider these scenarios:
She's viewed your profile, but hasn't initiated communication. This may mean one of three things:
- She's not interested. (Hey, gotta be honest!) But if she's checked you out and hasn't closed the match or put you on hold, game on! Instead, she might be:
- Not (yet) a paid member. Don't count these girls out, because your profile just might be the one that tips the balance. One of the first guys I met from eH told me that he converted to a paid account just so he could get in touch with me. Whether this was flattery or the truth, a scenario like this is certainly possible! Yet another reason to put extra effort into making your profile intriguing, versus relying on attractive pictures. But there's also a third possibility:
- She's waiting for you to make the first move. Call it antiquated, but I've just read two recent interviews and a recently-released book about dating strategies, and in each case women were still being advised that they should not be the initiators. And we have long been conditioned on this maneuver, just with different phrasing: "Men are hunters ... Let him come to you ... Play hard to get ..." An assertive woman may be refreshing, but she's not the norm. So go out and get her!
But what if she hasn't viewed your profile, even after several days? Scott's suggestions are all valid -- she could be busy, on vacation, forgot to turn off matching, or it could certainly be a dead account. But once women become used to the "Who's Viewed Me" list, their obvious inattention to your profile could be a bold way of forcing your hand at making a move. I say bold because it could easily backfire; a guy might assume that if a match hasn't checked him out within a week, she's just not going to, and "click" goes the Close button. But it's also subtly effective at making you wonder why she hasn't looked at your profile. Is she already taken? Too busy with other dates? Or as Scott said, receiving so many communication requests that she can't keep up with the demand? It could be any of those things ... Or maybe that's just what she wants you to think! We all know how it feels to desire something that (we perceive) we can't have -- it only makes us want it even more. It would take an extremely patient and in-the-know woman to use this maneuver ... But as Scott mentioned, a large number of this blog's readers are women, so don't think that we're not onto you guys! "Trix are for kids", but savvy women have some tricks and techniques of their own. And who doesn't love a good challenge?
Scott replies:
Interesting ideas... but I seriously wonder whether some of them would work that well. Definitely something to talk about on the Google Group...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment