In the failure spiral? Here's how to take a break!

A lot of guys, despite my advice, just can't seem to get themselves out of a failure spiral - that self-perpetuating cycle where guys feel that they are doing badly, try even harder to get women's attention, do worse... and so forth.

First of all, take a breath. And take stock of your successes.

Did you get any dates from your eHarmony experience?

If so, it's not a failure. According to most surveys of "online dating" subscribers, most people who subscribe to these services don't even land one date. So... if you even landed one, you did better than most. And, if you didn't... well, that makes you normal.

But the biggest problem you're facing? It's the pressure. The internal need to be "successful", or whatever that means to you. And that attitude will hurt your ability to meet people on eHarmony.

And if you just can't get over that feeling... it may be time for a break.

But, if you take a break - make it a total break. Stop trying to meet women.

Make yourself a social calendar. Try to find something fun to do every day. And do it for you. Not to meet women.

Try picking up a few new interests. You may like them, or you may not. Just try them.

Treat yourself well. Eat food that you enjoy - not just food that you choke down. Buy yourself nice clothes. Consider working out - People feel better when they work out regularly.

And just try to build an active social life.

Yes, if you do this, you'll run into women.

That's fine. Just talk to them like normal people. Don't try to get anything from them other than conversation. (And if they don't want to talk to you? That's fine. Leave 'em alone.)

When five women want to meet with you (romantically or not) outside of the situation where you've met... you're probably in the right frame of mind to return to the dating field.

Sure... there are lots of "programs" to meet women. Other online services. Singles groups. Speed-dating. I could name a million of them.

But none of these will solve the "gotta-have-it's".

And when you've got the attitude of needy desperation... it's extremely hard to attract healthy people.