When YOU'RE the hottie...

It's been an interesting trip since I've been back on eHarmony.

Faithful readers of my blog have noticed the advice that I give other people in improving their pictures and style. And, yes, I practice what I preach. Even when I'm not on eHarmony.

So, when I returned to the service a month ago, I noticed something different about how women were responding to my usual challenging playfulness.

They just weren't taking it as well as they used to. And I was getting quite a few closures.

"Okay...", I asked myself, "what changed?"

The advertising pitch didn't change.

My profile didn't change.

The things I did to tease 'em didn't change.

My pictures were the only things that changed.

Well, I ran my pictures on Hot or Not. I thought that they were better than the ones I used before, and my friends agreed. But, I wanted to see if that difference was measurable.

It was. Apparently, I'm now an 8+. Before, I struggled to get in the low 7's.

Since that's the only thing that changed... I'm thinking that must be it.

I guess there's a big difference between an OK looking guy teasing a woman... and a good looking guy doing the teasing. It's easier to take it the wrong way when the guy is good-looking, I suppose.

So, yes, I've been recalibrating. Showing just a little more interest. Fluffing them up just a little bit more than I used to.

I'll keep you guys posted on the results.

But, for those guys lucky enough to be in the 8+ range... be careful with the teasing. Women can be fragile, especially when the teasing comes from a hot guy.

Bitten Chick adds:

I love a man who is playful, charming and coy -- and those are some of my favorite personal traits as well. But witty banter can be tricky with someone whom you've just met, especially in the arena of an online dating website where fragile egos and self-confidence issues abound. If you'll forgive the metaphor, think of your matches as unique and mysterious flowers. Some can stand up to a mighty wind and then intoxicate you (poppies, anyone?) and some get their petals knocked askew at the slightest breeze. Women love a strong, confident man so I wouldn't recommend handling everyone with kid gloves, but gaging the situation before you strike with your witty words is a good starting point.

That's where what Scott said really comes into play, because teasing definitely has different connotations depending on who's behind it. If an Average Joe and a Sexy Sam delivered the same line of banter, it's very likely that Joe may be considered humorous and charming, and Sam may be viewed as being condescending or cocky. There's a certain level of assuredness and confidence that comes from feeling attractive, and likewise, feeling less attractive than someone whom you're interacting with can make you feel awkward and shy. I asked a friend the other day who his celebrity crushes were and he blurted out: "Lucy Lawless from Zena, Warrior Princess!" Then I asked if he would ever talk to her if he saw her somewhere, and he said that it would be much too intimidating to approach someone whom he found so attractive. In the world of online dating, our computers offer us that welcome divide where it's easier to be bold and playful. But the object is to transition that digital wordplay into real life.

So remember that old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar. In the best dating recipes, honey makes things sweet at first, and then vinegar gives things a spicy kick. Just like getting the best pictures for your profile takes effort and finesse, so do those first interactions. Being a hottie doesn't mean that you should "burn" your "matches", so be careful when you play with fire! ;-)