Ask about her strengths!

It's a workplace reflex. At work, men find problems, attack problems, and make problems go away.

But, on eHarmony, you're not attacking a problem. You're meeting a woman. And, like I said in my last column, attacking or interrogating a woman can be a very ineffective strategy. At least, if you do want to get to know her better.

But... on the other hand, you do want to show that you're a selective man, who isn't going to fall for a woman just because a computer said that you'd be a good match. Or, just because she managed to put up some hot photos. You also want her to start feeling like she has to sell herself in order to earn your attention.

So, how can you do both with the same set of questions?

Simple. Don't ask about her weaknesses. Ask about her strengths.

In her profile, she's (hopefully) started to talk about her passions and her interests. People like to talk about them. Ask for more. Or ask for details.

Believe me, I've tried interrogations about women's faults in the past. But, when I started asking about strengths instead, women became more comfortable. They still felt like I needed to learn more about them to make up my mind. And they enjoyed giving me what I wanted.

And when a woman, as a result of answering your questions, feels a little more proud and secure about herself... she begins to associate those good feelings with you.

And that's a very good thing.

But, what if you can't wait until later to address a negative issue?

We'll talk about that tomorrow.