If you're tempted to use "trick" pictures...

To wrap up my discussion of photos (for awhile at least), I've got one final message.

Yes, guys. I know that a lot of women use "trick pictures". It can be tempting to use the same tricks as well.

But really, if you have to resort to trickery, why don't you spend your effort on fixing the problem instead of coming up with new ways to hide them?

If you've got a skin condition, or yellow teeth - why fix it in photoshop when you can go to a doctor, dentist, or pick up some drugstore products and fix the problem?

If you have to come up with creative angles and crops to hide your weight - how about getting into shape? Yes, it's hard. I know. I've had to lose a lot of weight myself. But, maybe it's time to stop covering up, and start the process of repair.

And if you need help finding the right clothes and accessories to look good for your photos - maybe it's time to put that effort toward improving your look after the photo is taken as well?

You can continue hiding. Or you can fix the problem, and never worry again.

I, for one, will choose the latter.

Focus on you - not the background!

As I've mentioned, eHarmony photos shouldn't be taken only with you and a blank background.

But that doesn't mean that the focus of the picture should be the background. It shouldn't.

The picture still needs to show you.

So... here are a few composition tricks.

Perspective matters
It's fun to take pictures on your vacation.

And, often, the sites we see on our vacations are grand... and big.

They can consist of vast scenes - like the Grand Canyon, large gardens, or expansive deserts.

Or they can include things that are really big. Things like amusement park rides. Or dinosaurs.

The trouble is... when you've got a big or expansive background, you usually look pretty small in comparison.

And eHarmony pictures, by their nature, are small. So, if you're cramming that full-scale model of the space shuttle into your picture - your matches may see the rocket - but they can't see you!

A rule of thumb? See if you can get photos where the color of your eyes are visible. In the thumbnails, for close-up shots. On the "My photos" page for full body shots.

This can be tricky for full-body shots, but not impossible.

But remember... just because you're cropping a monument out, it doesn't mean the picture is going to be worse.

You may look good in the picture. And your matches might be curious to know why there's a crowd around you.

...But, as I've said, that's not a question you want to answer in a caption. Let 'em wonder.

The Rule of Thirds
In "classical" photo composition, people are taught that the focus of the photo should be in the center of the picture. And, sometimes, a picture does look better if it's cropped that way.

But, most of the time, I've found that the "Rule of Thirds" works better.

Essentially, imagine drawing a large tic-tac-toe board across the frame of your picture. You should imagine that there are 9 equal squares.

If you decide to use the "rule of thirds", you should try to make sure that you are in a place where the lines of the tic-tac-toe board cross.

In a full-body shot, your head should lie as close to one of the crossings as possible. And in close-ups, I'd see if you could put one of your eyes at one of the crossing points.

Oh, and if you've got some body flaws? You don't want them at the crossing points.

Cut out the clutter!
Finally, if something doesn't seem to add to the picture - cut it out.

If you're at a restaurant - feel free to photoshop out the clutter that's on the table. Things like crumpled-up napkins just distract from the picture. Take 'em out.

Feel free to do the same with other distracting elements. If it's irrelevant - experiment. See if the picture is stronger without that item in the frame.

When the camera adds a few pounds...

Okay, folks. There's a good reason that I advocate taking tons of pictures, to find the one or two that will make you look good on eHarmony.

Because I really need to do that, myself.

As a guy, I'm in pretty decent shape. I used to be clinically obese, but I've lost over 60 pounds and kept it off for years. I work out a lot. I watch what I eat. A lot of my friends will spontaneously tell me that I need to eat more. And according to medical tables, I'm not overweight.

But, somehow... pictures still seem to show a pot-belly.

Just like most people, I'm just not terribly photogenic.

Now, we could go back to the same camera tricks that women use to hide their weight - but, as I've always pointed out, deceptive photos will kill any potential interest on the date.

But, if it's really a case of the camera adding a few pounds - here are some ways to fix that.

Use perceptual contrast

Photos where I'm standing alone make me look pretty big.

But, when I'm photographed with other people, it doesn't just make me look social.

Now, there's a frame of reference. And, considering that I'm in better shape than the average American (not that that says much), I look a lot more normal.

Heck, when I'm in photos with friends that I consider skinny, I still look better than if I stood alone.

Perspective helps.

Use "rejected photos" as a fashion guide
Over time, you may notice that certain fashion styles work better with you.

For me - tight clothing does accentuate assets, but only to a point. And photos will remind me when I'm going too far.

I've also noticed that, for me, clothing that is particularly dark (black, for example), or brightly colored can also work very well for me.

So, 'ya see... there are some other advantages to taking a ton of pictures.

Go ahead and crop... to a point.
Finally, if there's a photo where you look good from the shoulders-up, don't be afraid to crop the photo.

But don't go crazy with this. You really need to have one or two full-body shots.

If all of your photos look like you've cropped your body out... women aren't stupid.

Better to be honest and confident than sneaky and ashamed.

Collecting photos - without looking like a freak.

One of the keys to having good eHarmony photos is to take a lot of pictures.

Think about it. Supermodel photo shoots use up hundreds of frames - just to find one photo that might be right for the advertisement.

And very few of us are supermodels.

Many folks see my point, but still struggle. They want the photos. But they don't want to look like a freak while they're trying to get them.

And you shouldn't. Here are a few tricks that I use.

The Power of Reciprocity
If you're in a place where there are a lot of people - you'll almost always find someone with a camera, trying to take a picture.

And 99% of the time - they wished that they could get into the picture. But they might be afraid of asking a stranger.

So... solve the problem for them. Ask them if they want to get into the picture, and offer to take it for them.

Some folks will say "no", but very few, in my experience. Most folks will be grateful for the help.

And, after you've taken pictures for them, they'll almost always be willing to take pictures for you.

Simple, but effective.

I'll email you a picture...
Another trick that I use to get pictures?

When I'm at a social gathering, I'll usually take a lot of pictures. And a lot of people will want copies.

Ask for their email address, and let them know that you'll send 'em a copy. Almost no one refuses.

And, if asked, they'll almost always take your picture too.

(And, yes, this is a decent "under the radar" way to get someone's email address, too. This has some disadvantages, as far as approaches go. But it's a good way to get pictures taken...)

Use the hired guns
In pick-up artist terminology, a "hired gun" is someone that is paid to provide services to you. People like waitresses, bartenders, barristas, and other salespeople.

Because of their "hired gun" role, pickup techniques have to be modified to "work" on these kinds of people.

But, if you want pictures... they're paid to make us happy. And they'll almost always agree to take a picture. If you ask, of course.

Just get the picture. Figure out if it's "good" later.
Finally, one other reason that people are shy about taking pictures is their own doubt that a picture would be good.

In the old days (five years ago?), when people had to pay in order to use and develop film, I suppose this made sense. Bad photos did cost money. And hundreds of bad photos would probably cost quite a bit.

But, today... most of us have digital cameras. And after you've paid for the camera - the pictures cost nothing. (Well, okay. There's the cost of electricity. Close to nothing.)

So, now, you don't have to worry.

And you never know if a picture is going to be good... until you've taken it.

So... just take the shot. And decide later if it's one of the few worth using.

Women in profile photos?

Another often-repeated bit of advice is to avoid putting women in your online photos.

In it's original context, it does make some sense. When people put up profile photos that include an ex-girlfriend (or with a woman who has obviously been cut out), people will wonder if you've spent enough time away from her. Or if you're trying to cheat on her.

Obviously, that should be avoided.

Another type of photo that most sources advise against are photos in which you're publicly displaying affection. This advice has become more interesting, especially as many folks in the pick-up artist community are actually suggesting that people do this.

Well, it might be okay for folks that are deep in the pickup artist community. They're not looking for serious relationships. Their profiles consistently point out that they're into online dating for fun and thrills. The personality that they convey in their profile and communications will consistently fit the "playboy" image.

Some women (especially on eHarmony) will not be interested in playboys. And they'll close communication quickly. But that's fine for the dedicated pickup artist, who probably would not want to be with someone who wasn't interested in casual relationships.

So, if you're a consistent fun, playboy-type... Fine. You can get away with those pictures of the times that you're partying and making out with attractive women. But, if you're not, I don't recommend trying this. Because most women (of any stripe) will avoid you if you show any hint of inconsistency in this regard.

Okay, so loving pictures of you and your ex are out. And public displays of affection are a bad idea for most guys.

Should you cut women out of your photos completely?

In my experience, the answer is, "No."

If you're in groups that include women, group photos can work just fine.

And pictures of social occasions that include women in the background, in my experience, have improved my results.

They demonstrate that I'm not on eHarmony because of desperation.

It demonstrates that I meet lots of women. And that I'm on eHarmony because I'm trying to find someone that's right for me.

Some "myths" about eHarmony Photos

As I've mentioned, a lot of advice about online dating is what I refer to as "etiquette-based" advice.

The advice isn't based upon what's effective, or what makes you look best. It's based on what seems proper or polite.

One bit of etiquette-based advice that has been repeated is that you should have clear, honest photos of you standing alone, with no other people (especially other women!), and no distractions.

I suppose it's "polite" for a photo to provide a realistic view of how you look. And I don't disagree with that. Deceptive photos may provide some short-term benefits, but will absolutely kill any chance you have on a date with someone.

But appearing alone against a blank background? My experience shows that such photos can harm your photos' effectiveness.

As I've pointed out before, photos can show a lot more than just how you look.

They demonstrate your genuineness. If you've described yourself as a rugged outdoorsman - a photo can show that you're not just engaging in fantasy.

And, when other people are in the photo, they demonstrate that you're social. Which is an important quality for most women.

Let your pictures demonstrate your personality. Not just your appearance.

Managing "Hot or Not" score drift

Again, returning to the popular subject of rating your pictures on "Hot or Not"...

Another problem that I've seen with this site is that scores, occasionally, will drift.

Sometimes, the crowd is stricter, and gives lower scores.

Other times, the crowd is easier.

I'm not blaming Hot or Not for this - mob psychology could explain this easily.

But it does raise the question - how can you compare the ratings you get today with the ratings you recieved on other pictures a few months ago?

Well, here's how I manage the "drift" problem.

You'll notice that you can keep up to three photos in an unpaid account.

I make sure that one of these photos is the worst-rated photo that I'm currently using.

As scores drift... the score on my archived photo will drift too.

Problem (kinda) solved.

It's an imperfect system. But, as far as coming up with an objective measurement of attractiveness goes, it'll have to do. At least until someone fixes the Helen scale.

The Peacock and the eHarmony Profile

One concept that has been developed (and refined) in the pick-up artist community is the concept of "Peacocking".

It was a concept taken from evolutionary theory - noting that some animals (such as peacocks) made ostentatious presentations of their manhood, in order to attract the females of their species.

And, in the bars (which is where most pickup artists started), ostentatious displays do add to the fun factor. So, yes, guys wore bizarre hats and accessories.

So, you may ask, does that mean that I should take pictures of myself in a feather boa, in order to attract women on eHarmony?

Well... probably not. What may be fun in a club may be a little bit too much for an eHarmony profile. (But you'd be surprised about what people want to try. I've received several emails asking me if I thought that dressing up in a superhero costume would be a good idea.)

But, done properly, some subtle peacocking can be effective.

Some ideas in calibrating your peacocking?

If you peacock - make it a subtle exxageration of your best traits.
For most guys, a superhero costume or a feather boa... just looks silly. And makes you look like you're desperate for attention.

For guys, the best peacocks are subtle exxagerations of their identity.

For example, if you've built a persona as an adventurer... clothing that accentuates that identity may help your "photo appeal".

World travelers might wear interesting, foreign necklaces or bracelets.

If you're a "club kid", dressing as one may be appropriate for you.

Again, take your identity - and let your clothing and accessories demonstate it. In a subtle way.

Make the peacocks social - not bizarre
Bottom line - can you actually peacock in a way that doesn't make you look like a freak?

It's okay to push the envelope a little bit. You want to look like your look could be a natural extension of your personality. But you still want to look like you fit in socially.

Wearing a costume with your friend in your living room? With no one else around? It makes you look like a lonely, immature, man-boy.

But if you've built an identity as a hard-partying socialite... a picture of you in an attractive swashbuckler costume, with a wench by your side, and lots of other people dressed to the hilt in costumes will seem normal.

Again - consistency is key.

Don't blend in - take a few risks.

Another common error that I see guys making is in their fashion choices.

A lot of guys tend to wear the same reliable, age-worn standards that everyone else wears.

In other words, clothing that makes you blend in with the crowd around you.

Well, you're trying to look different from the other photos. You're not trying to blend in.

Don't take this too far. You don't want to look like a social misfit, clown, or a guy who's mugging for attention. But you might want to try taking a few calculated risks with your fashion.

Try a few new things.

See what clothes make people pause and say, "Hey, that's a nice _____."

For me, brighter colors have helped. As well as clothes that show my physique a little better.

But, definitely, experiment. And see what works for you.

A little more about this tomorrow...

Photos: Nonverbal communication at it's finest.

Someone once said that 80% of communication is nonverbal. I don't know exactly how that was determined... but nonverbal communication is extremely important.

But, as men, we often focus on the words we use in our profile. We rely on them to let women know who we are, and why we're interesting. We use our words to define ourselves.

And, if you've got a compelling, interesting, and believable identity, women will respond.

But, a lot of guys forget the importance of the photos. Because they're a form of nonverbal communication. And they can give you away, if you're trying to fake an intriguing identity.

If you say you're a "man of adventure", but your photos are all in your office and with your nephews... women won't buy your story.

If you define yourself as the life of any party, but your photos are all of you alone - she'll believe your photos. Not your story.

If you define yourself as a refined, classy guy, but you don't have the wardrobe to match - again, they ain't gonna buy it.

So, keep these things in mind, as you select your photos. Women are not stupid.

Photos - and grabbing attention.

In eHarmony profiles, I've always advised people to tread a line.

If you say too little, or say the same things that everyone else says - women aren't going to pay attention.

If you get too freakish, though, it looks like you're desperate for attention. Or just plain weird.

Well... photos are the same way.

If you can't look like you can put yourself together well - you look weird.

If you have pictures that look the same as everybody else's - they won't grab attention.

On the other hand, if you put out pictures that are so outlandish that it makes you look like you're begging for attention - it makes you look weird or desperate.

So, how do you stand out without grandstanding?

We'll talk more about that in upcoming days.

One hitch with "Hot or Not" ratings

In many of my older articles, I refer to the "Hot or Not" website as a way to evaluate your eHarmony photos.

I also said it wasn't the best way, but it does produce an objective number.

Well, I've discovered one new hitch to look out for.

When you get your rating (and, in my experience you need 100 people to rate you before scores become reliable), check the "Best of Hot or Not" page.

At the bottom of the page, you'll see if anyone nominated you for "Best of Hot or Not".

Well... tastes vary. But, when you've been nominated, a lot more people will see your picture on the "Best of Hot or Not" page, in the "recently nominated" section. And if they're intrigued, they'll often click on you for a closer look.

The problem? You'll get more interest from people who are already digging your look. And that will artificially inflate your score.

So, if you get one (or two) nominations, you might want to rerun a "Hot or Not" screen to see how you do when you're not nominated. The score is likely to be more realistic.

... But, if you keep on getting nominated, I'd keep that picture. :-)

Pictures: Small things can make a big difference!

Lately, it seems like my eHarmony response rate has risen dramatically. For a long time, I could count on around 22% of my matches to open communication with me.

That percentage has recently increased to 33%. And it's climbing.

And I haven't made a single change to my profile text.

I could just be lucky. But I doubt it.

And I have made some improvements to my photos. They're not huge differences.

But they seem to be making a big difference in my results.

Better Camera, better pictures. Duh!
First, I got a better camera. My old camera was a fixed-focus 3.2 Megapixel camera, made by HP (known to be cheap-to-mediocre). I've finally replaced it with an 8 Megapixel, autofocus camera, built by Canon (One of the better brands). The pictures are of noticably better quality, even after they get compressed and squished by eHarmony. And, like I said, small differences seem to be making a real difference. And, yes, if you've got any pictures taken from a cell phone camera - you need to replace 'em. Seriously.

Can't afford a good camera? See if you can borrow one from a friend. Or, if you don't mind taking out a Discover card, you can get this one free. (And, no, they're not paying me anything. But it is how I got my camera, so I figured that I'd share. I, and many others have spoken for the fact that they've been in business for a long time, and are reliable in carrying out their promises.)

If you've got a portrait mode, use it!
A little bit of soft focus does make you look better.

Let 'em see your eyes
Okay, I do have blue eyes, but that's not terribly unusual. But I have always noticed one thing - photos that are close enough for people to see my eye color rate significantly higher than those that don't. And, yes, when I got a better camera, it captured my eye color much better.

Crop, Crop, Crop!
Picture composition can make a big difference. If something in the picture is distracting or ugly - crop it out, if you can. If you can't, see if you can get some software to "airbrush" the distractions out. Oh, and you can "airbrush" other little imperfections out too. Like your acne breakouts. Don't get extreme - you want the picture to look like you - but a little touchup can be a good thing.

Don't be a loner
One long-standing rule among pickup artists is this: Don't do what everyone else does.

Do you ever notice how so many people either put up pictures with them alone? Or with other people awkwardly cropped out?

If you've got decent-looking friends, or you're at social events, don't be afraid to have other people in your photos. It shows that you socialize. That you hang around with other people who can present themselves respectably. All good things.

You can go too far. Pictures of you with your ex probably shouldn't be included. But if you're just socializing, and some attractive women are slightly out of focus in the background... that's fine.

Show yourself relaxing
Don't tense up for the camera. Keep joking with your friends. Lean back. Let them lean in toward you to get in the picture. Let them stiffen up before the flashbulb.


When you look relaxed - it makes you look like you're in command of the group.

Avoid tourist photos
Photos in foreign and exotic places are okay. But you want it to look like you're being social. Not like you're trying to brag about your travels.

Avoid the photos of you near obvious tourist traps. Use the ones where you're with friends, catching the more subtle flavor of where you are.

Tell part of the story
Don't leave long explanations of what you're doing in your profile. And don't provide explanatory captions. Let 'em wonder.

Trust me, they'll ask you.

Small things? Yes. But they've made a huge difference for me.

Let me know how they work for you!

When YOU'RE the hottie...

It's been an interesting trip since I've been back on eHarmony.

Faithful readers of my blog have noticed the advice that I give other people in improving their pictures and style. And, yes, I practice what I preach. Even when I'm not on eHarmony.

So, when I returned to the service a month ago, I noticed something different about how women were responding to my usual challenging playfulness.

They just weren't taking it as well as they used to. And I was getting quite a few closures.

"Okay...", I asked myself, "what changed?"

The advertising pitch didn't change.

My profile didn't change.

The things I did to tease 'em didn't change.

My pictures were the only things that changed.

Well, I ran my pictures on Hot or Not. I thought that they were better than the ones I used before, and my friends agreed. But, I wanted to see if that difference was measurable.

It was. Apparently, I'm now an 8+. Before, I struggled to get in the low 7's.

Since that's the only thing that changed... I'm thinking that must be it.

I guess there's a big difference between an OK looking guy teasing a woman... and a good looking guy doing the teasing. It's easier to take it the wrong way when the guy is good-looking, I suppose.

So, yes, I've been recalibrating. Showing just a little more interest. Fluffing them up just a little bit more than I used to.

I'll keep you guys posted on the results.

But, for those guys lucky enough to be in the 8+ range... be careful with the teasing. Women can be fragile, especially when the teasing comes from a hot guy.

Bitten Chick adds:

I love a man who is playful, charming and coy -- and those are some of my favorite personal traits as well. But witty banter can be tricky with someone whom you've just met, especially in the arena of an online dating website where fragile egos and self-confidence issues abound. If you'll forgive the metaphor, think of your matches as unique and mysterious flowers. Some can stand up to a mighty wind and then intoxicate you (poppies, anyone?) and some get their petals knocked askew at the slightest breeze. Women love a strong, confident man so I wouldn't recommend handling everyone with kid gloves, but gaging the situation before you strike with your witty words is a good starting point.

That's where what Scott said really comes into play, because teasing definitely has different connotations depending on who's behind it. If an Average Joe and a Sexy Sam delivered the same line of banter, it's very likely that Joe may be considered humorous and charming, and Sam may be viewed as being condescending or cocky. There's a certain level of assuredness and confidence that comes from feeling attractive, and likewise, feeling less attractive than someone whom you're interacting with can make you feel awkward and shy. I asked a friend the other day who his celebrity crushes were and he blurted out: "Lucy Lawless from Zena, Warrior Princess!" Then I asked if he would ever talk to her if he saw her somewhere, and he said that it would be much too intimidating to approach someone whom he found so attractive. In the world of online dating, our computers offer us that welcome divide where it's easier to be bold and playful. But the object is to transition that digital wordplay into real life.

So remember that old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar. In the best dating recipes, honey makes things sweet at first, and then vinegar gives things a spicy kick. Just like getting the best pictures for your profile takes effort and finesse, so do those first interactions. Being a hottie doesn't mean that you should "burn" your "matches", so be careful when you play with fire! ;-)

Boring pictures? Here's what 'ya do...

Okay, you realize that your pictures are... at best, okay. Maybe you've got a few that look good.

But, they're still... boring.

So, what do you do about it?

It's simple. And pretty obvious.

Start cruising local websites. Read the weekend section of the newspaper.

Get your calendar out. And start planning something new to do every day.

Pick a variety of things. Some physical. Some mental. Some spiritual. Some artistic. Some cultural.

And pick a variety of contexts. Go with friends to some things. Go with family to others.

Okay, if you've got a bad day at work, or have pressing business, you can skip your plans. But don't make a habit of it. Get out there, and do some different things.

Bring a camera to these things. And have people take a lot of pictures.

Some of them will be good. Most won't, but some will.

Oh... and it's great for date planning too. You come off as a much more interesting person when you ask, "Hey, I was going to a reception for this cool new artist on Saturday - want to join me?", than than you do when you ask when she's free for dinner or or a cup of Starbuck's coffee. Yes?

Reflections from the bald head...

A long time ago, when I was first out of college, I entered the job search, not really knowing what I wanted or where I was headed. But, I knew that I had to sort things out, and a friend recommended the classic book, "What Color Is Your Parachute"?

One section that stuck out for me - even when it didn't refer to my specific problems - was it's suggestion for people who had things in their background that they couldn't control. Like the fact that they were physically handicapped. Or had a criminal record.

The book's advice was very straightforward and direct. It told the potential jobseeker that there, in essence, were two types of employers: Those that would hire someone with their "problem", and those that wouldn't.

If they were one of the ones that wouldn't? Ask if they know anyone who would be interested in hiring someone like them, and end the interview quickly.

In one of my recent emails, one of my readers asked how I approached dating considering my own male pattern baldness.

I approached it pretty much the same way. Some women aren't going to be attracted to a bald guy. And that's fine. It gives me more time to spend one the ones that can.

But... after looking at some of my latest pictures (and the last vestiges of my hairline), I decided to shave off the rest of my hair.

No, I didn't do it to impress women. I did it because I thought I might look better.

And, I figure at least some of you are curious about how it's affected the online game.

Well, before I go into personal experience, I do have to mention that "Freakanomics" did cite a study where male pattern baldness was associated with poorer results online, but shaved heads were not. I haven't read the original article, but I certainly have a lot of questions. (Maybe it's because people who shave their heads pay more attention to how "fashionable" they are? Or they're more confident? I don't know.)

So... what's my experience?

Well, no one stopped communication when I told them about my new look. I was actually kind of prepared for that. Turned out not to be a problem. Also, I tested my pictures on Hot or Not, and my ratings improved significantly.

But, for me, the most interesting changes were in real life.

Before the head-shave, pre-communication closures for lack of chemistry were rare. However, they increased significantly after the head shave.

But... of the ones who did respond? They were a lot more enthusiastic.

So, my final guess? I think that shaving my head just "turned up the volume" on women's reactions to my baldness. The women who found the bald head sexy, liked it. And the ones that didn't... really didn't.

In my opinion? I like the change. I'm keeping it. And, if things don't work out with my girlfriend, I know that there are plenty of women who like it.

"Hot or Not" made (less) simple

In previous articles, I mentioned the use of the website hotornot.com, in order to get a rough idea of how your eHarmony photos look.

It's not a great measure. Most of the people who will be rating you will be men (those who really wanted to see women, and homosexuals), and they aren't your target audience. Also, the site seems to reward the skanky. Let's just say that photos with your shirt off will do well on Hot or Not, but, even if you're in great physical shape, showing your bare, chiseled chest will probably hurt your results on eHarmony.

But, in my experience, if you've got 100 people ranking a photo, and you get a rating of 7 or above, it's not going to hurt your results. But photos below 6 will. 6 photos are iffy.

And, so far, I've only got two photos that got in the 8's. So I can't speak from experience about how 9s and 10s do.

And that was my advice on how to use Hot or Not. Pretty simple. (Especially considering, if you read my original article... there are better methods to use.)

Some people, however, need a more complex explanation. For example, how a photo can be rated a 7, when very few people rated it above a 6. These people ask, "How the heck does that work?"

Well, if you dig into their website a little bit, they explain.

The Hot or Not scale, theoretically, should represent a bell curve, with it's peak at 5, and "tails" at 1 and 10.

Unfortunately, most people don't actually rank that way. Some are "easy". Some are "hard".

For example, when I make my rankings, I almost never give anyone a 1, 2, or 10.

So, they have to compensate for that. And their computer calculates that a 9 (from me) is probably someone else's 10.

And, according their FAQs, the final ranking represents an average calibrated score.

Furthermore, some adjustment DOES seem necessary.

For example, let's suppose a supermodel puts up one of her best photos. And she's what most men would consider a legitimate 10.

Just by human nature, not everyone's going to rate her a 10. Some jealous women will rate her a 1. Some chubby-chasers might think she's too skinny, and rate her a 5. Some picky folks might say, "Nice photo, but I'm not sure she's THAT hot", and rate her a 8. Or only like blondes. Or don't like that particular dress. You get the idea.

And, if that keep up... no one earns a 10. In fact, I doubt that 9's would be possible.

So, that's why the scores seem strange. But, if you get 100 rankings, they're usually repeatable within less than one point.

And the data can still be useful. Just follow the guidelines, and don't overthink it.

Making a style overhaul

If you've improved your hygiene (like in yesterday's article), you should be noticing some significant improvements in your appearance - and your success in obtaining better eHarmony photos and dates.

But, for some people, improving your hygiene is not enough. Some people are in a "comfort zone" in their style. They've had the same hairstyle, and worn the same clothing for years. But, over time, you start to blend into the background.

Unfortunately, when you blend into the background... it's hard to generate interest.

One quote that I've taken from Mystery is, "If you're not getting compliments on your clothing on a regular basis, it's not good enough." I'd extend that even further, to hairstyle, and accessories.

One approach that I took in overhauling my style (which I've adapted from the StyleLife Challenge, while it was running) is to take the style overhaul a step at a time.

Find your weakest link - whether it's hair, clothes, eyeglasses, or whatever.

Let's say it's your clothes. Start asking people to recommend where the best Men's clothing stores are. Don't just ask anyone. The best referrals come from women who are as good looking (or better) than the people you are looking to date. The next best referrals come from men who regularly attract the women you'd like to attract.

If you don't know anyone... ask strangers. Tell them you're new to town. You'll be surprised about how friendly (and helpful) people can be when you ask them for advice. And they'll probably take your solicitation as a compliment.

Now, after taking your survey, see what store was recommended the most. If you can, avoid single label stores (such as Gap, Banana Republic, etc.). And, if people have mentioned a store that is NOT a national chain, that would be best. (Unfortunately,these stores are a dying breed.)

If you've got a particularly helpful, enthusiastic, and style-conscious friend... ask them to shop with you. If not, find an attractive female salesman.

Tell them that you're looking to find a set of clothes that are "completely different" from what you usually wear. If they ask about the occasion, tell them that you need to dress up to attend a fashion show. And don't let her talk you into making selections - insist that your friend or the salesperson make them. And if the saleswoman won't do it, find another saleswoman.

Try on all the clothes. Be VERY fussy about how the clothes fit. If they don't fit fantastically well, don't buy them.

Start with one set of clothes. And wear them once in awhile.

If you've followed my advice... you're making a departure from your usual "comfortable" fashions. It's going to feel weird at first. But, when you change your clothes, you'll probably notice people treating you differently. Salespeople are more friendly. Strangers will engage you in conversation more. You'll get compliments. That's how you know that you're on the right track.

Over time, get more outfits. Solicit recommendations for a hair stylist, and tell them to do something "completely different" for you.

Do this... and you're off to a good start.

For those dirty, dirty boys...

Okay... your image isn't working on eHarmony (or a date), and you're feeling like you need to clean things up.

First - you've got to go to basics. And literally clean up. Because the first thing that will kill anyone's appearance is the appearance that they're unhygenic. Or sick.

Some of these things should be obvious. It's a rare guy who will have problems with everything on this list. Odds are, you'll be reminded about a couple of things on this list... But those one or two things can make a big difference.

Skin/Odor

• Obvious points here: You need to wash yourself. And if you're moving past the eHarmony phase, you need to make sure you don't have body odor. Shower often. Use a deodorant soap, and deodorant. If you still smell bad... figure out why.
• If you've got skin problems, you need to treat them. If you have acne, don't ignore it - treat it. Same with oily skin, peeling skin... or any other skin conditions. Over the counter products are fine, if they solve the problem. If you can't solve them with over the counter medications, see a dermatologist.
• Keep your ears clean. Use a Q-Tip.
  

Hair

• If you've got hair, cut it monthly.
• Your hair needs to look clean and hygenic. If it's oily, or dry... do what you need to do to fix it.
• Do what you need to do to keep your hair looking natural, and in-place. Unless you're lucky, you'll probably need to do a lot of trial and error with hair products to find what works for you.
• Most men do best without facial hair (except for eyebrows). Unless you're really getting a lot of compliments on it, experiment with getting rid of it. If you don't get compliments on cleaning up, you can always grow it back.
• "Facial hair" includes ear hair, nose hair, and any other hair where it shouldn't be. Trim regularly.
• If your eyebrows get overgrown, have the barber cut them when you get your hair cut.
• Tweeze out stray eyebrow hairs on a regular basis.
• If you have facial hair that works for you... keep it clean, well-trimmed, and neat.

Eyes

• If you wear glasses, keep 'em clean.

Teeth

• Brush twice daily. Floss daily.
• See a dentist regularly.
  
• If you still have bad breath - fix it.
• If you've got yellow teeth, fix them. I've heard (from dentists that I trust) that Crest Whitestrips are safe, and they've worked well for me. Use the "Premium Plus" formula - it is more powerful. Be aware that the whitening treatments are not permanent, and will need to be repeated to keep your teeth white. If they don't work... consider professional whitening.
• I know it's expensive - but you might consider fixing crooked or missing teeth.

Clothes

• If they're not clean, don't wear them.
• If they're wrinkled when they shouldn't be... don't wear them.
• If they're faded or stained, when they shouldn't be... don't wear them.
• If they've got holes, missing buttons, rips, or loose threads... don't wear them.
• If they don't fit, don't wear them.
  
• Yes, shoes count as "clothes". And follow the same rules.

Your body

• Have good, but not stiff posture. Make good eye contact.
• You can do okay if you're overweight... but it's much easier if you're not. If you decide to lose weight, don't go for "quick fixes", they don't work for long. Personally, I've lost 65 pounds and kept it off for over 3 years on a Weight Watcher's plan...
• Going to the gym, and lifting weights will help.

Obvious? Yeah. But necessary, if you want to look decent.

Style rehabilitation tomorrow...

So, you're "ugly"? It's fixable!

It's time to hit that sensitive spot yet again. After all, many people come to eHarmony, hoping that they can attract people in spite of how they look.

As I've said before, most men can find a few good photos. If they take enough of them. But, some men still struggle to find a good picture.

The bad news? Sorry, photos are important. When I had bad pictures, I did horribly. Once my photos improved, so did my results.

The good news? It's actually very easy for most men to dramatically improve their appearance. Even if, right now, most women would rate you a five or below.

Fortunately, for men, physical attractiveness isn't so much about bone structure or body type (which are more important for women) than it is about hygiene and style. And you don't need to go to a plastic surgeon to fix those.

Again, there are many pick-up artist guides to improving your appearance. I don't want to duplicate those. But I can talk about what I found helpful. And, hopefully, some of our readers will leave comments about things that they find helpful as well.

We'll start tomorrow...