And now - something completely different.

Okay, I'm not on eHarmony much anymore.

But, some of you miss my mix of snarky humor, hair-splitting logic, and my ability to stay fun and unconventional.

So, I'm back to writing.

And, sorry, it's not about dating. Or sex.

But if you like my style - visit me at "Mail from my Right-Wing Father".

It's time to go. At least for now.

Long-time readers have noticed that I haven't posted any "War stories" from my eHarmony search. For quite awhile.

And I have to admit - lately, my search has been pretty undramatic.

Sure, I was communicating with a lot of women. As usual, some had no business using eHarmony, and many were exceptional (in their own ways), but not right for me.

But, lately... that chemistry has been lacking. In any of the people that I'd been talking to. No matter how attractive they were, how much (or little) we had in common, or how the "friendly" banter went.

For awhile, I was thinking that I was having a bad run. Bad luck. A string of bad women.

And I had been taking breaks from my search, because it was feeling like my search was becoming a grind. And it wasn't fun anymore.

But, lately, I'm thinking that the lack of fun doesn't have much to do with the women that I had been meeting. It has more to do with me.

The fact is, I came to eHarmony in pretty bad shape. I was coming out of a bad marriage. And the marriage consumed my life. I didn't have many friends. I knew that I was interested in remarrying someday, but, unfortunately, there are very few places to meet eligible Jewish singles in my community.

And, for awhile, meeting strangers was a thrill. But, now, I'm wondering if it's a wrong turn.

The fact is, meeting folks through eHarmony is still a process of meeting strangers. And, maybe, to build a connection with someone, I need more than an automated email introduction and a guided communication process.

So... I think, for now, it's time to leave my eHarmony search, and focus on enjoying the rest of my life. I'm sure that I'll meet people in the persuit of my passions. And, maybe, I'll meet a great woman along the way. If not... no loss. I'll still have a fantastic life.

Don't worry folks. I'll leave the blog up. I have no regrets about my eHarmony and seduction experiences. Learning to get my mojo back - to be that desirable man - was improtant to me, and I'm sure it's important to a lot of my readers. I'll leave my Google Group up, as well. And I'll continue to work with the people who have requested my coaching services, for as long as they still feel that I'm useful to them. (As far as accepting new people? I'll cross that bridge when I'm asked.)

And, maybe, someday, I might be inspired to return to my postings. But not today.

Thanks for reading. You've all been an important part of my journey. And good luck to you all.

Day off tomorrow...

No post tomorrow, guys.

Happy Rosh Hashanah, to our Jewish readers!

Why SHOULD you get what you want?

A couple of days ago, I made a suggestion to folks who felt like they couldn't get decent pictures of themselves taken.

My suggestion was simple - find people who are busy taking pictures with their friends. Ask them if they'd like a group photo. They usually want one. Then ask if they'll take your picture in return.

Pretty simple, really. But it's something that's easily forgotten in Internet culture. After all, when you're nameless and faceless, it's easy to write a quick anonymous request. Whether it's asking a woman for guided communication, or a fellow Google Group member for help on a profile.

But, faceless and nameless requests, on the internet, and in real life are usually ignored.

So, if you've made a request, ask yourself one question - "Why should the other person answer?"

If you haven't made it clear why you'd be an interesting guy to talk to... most people won't respond to communication requests.

And if you're asking for help in our Google Group, but you haven't even tried to help any of your fellow members with their questions... most people aren't going to make an effort to help you either.

Relationships aren't just about receiving. You have to give, as well.

(And I'll give you folks a hint - a big reason that I'm doing better on eHarmony today is because I learned so much in the process of helping others.)

I'm on vacation...

See you all back on the 15th.

No, we're not useful for scammers...

Lately, I have been getting a few emails from people who've been hurt by some of eHarmony's more unscrupulous members.

It does sadden me to hear when people are taken in by scammers. Or they meet someone who is abusive or manipulative in a different way.

But, every once in awhile, I get a letter asking me to stop talking about how people can be more successful on eHarmony. Because, according to them, I may be telling scammers how they can be more effective.

Well... I'm not naive. I thought about this possibility long before I started "eHarmony Cracked". And I have been vigilant to the possibility (even if it did seem slim) that unscrupulous eHarmony members may use my blog's techniques as tools for their own purposes.

So, is it happening? I don't think so. Here's why.

Is there any evidence of scammers using my blog?
First of all, I do look for evidence that scammers are using my blog as an information source.

First of all, I do look at what countries visit my blog. Knowing that many scammers (and potential scammers) come from Russia, Nigeria, and Ghana, I do pay attention when my web analytic software says that I get a visitor from one of these countries.

I rarely get them. And when they do, they usually don't read a lot.

And I'm not hearing any reports of scammers who've been using specific techniques from my blog.

Which doesn't surprise me. Most of the goals of my techniques (for example, getting to the phone quickly) run counter to the goals of the scammers.

Scammers learn from themselves
Unfortunately, scammers have been around for a very long time. Even before "internet dating" became popular, they used newspaper and magazine "personals" sections.

They've had a long time to refine their techniques. And they've been refining them for much longer than I've been writing.

In fact? Sometimes I learn from them. Even if I haven't seen them adopting my techniques.

Non-predatory techniques aren't useful to scammers...
Finally, let's look at the central ideas that inform the eHarmony Cracked philosophy.

I don't tell people what personalities are "attractive". I believe that just about any man, with confidence, can find the women that are right for them.

To me, the journey isn't about "what's attractive to women". It's about believing in the attractiveness that lies within each of us. It's about being genuine, interesting (in our unique ways), and unapologetic.

And it comes from the ability to say, to any woman, "If you don't like this... thanks for not wasting my time. I'll move on to the women that are interested."

And, frankly, it's a philosophy that scammers can't follow.

But it's a philosophy that frees the rest of us.

The consultant is in!

Well, folks - I'm proud to announce that personalized services are (finally) available.

Again, I'm committed to the blog and google group - you'll see no changes there. But, for people who want private, individualized attention to their specific needs and goals - I'm available. At a cost.

Here are the packages that I'm offering:

Profile Critique Service
Ordinarily, I choose "Profile clinic" articles based on how useful they'll be for my audience as a whole. But, if your profile doesn't fit the blog's needs, or if you want to engage my services privately... you can still get a profile critique. As a bonus, I'll also direct my suggestions to your expressed goals, and provide feedback on your photos.

This service is $175. I will retain the right to use your profile for educational purposes (in my blog, or elsewhere), but will not release your location, name, or photos. If you would prefer to keep your profile private to anything short of a court order, I will be happy to do so for an additional $75 fee.

Hourly Consultation Service
Some people need a little more feedback. They'd like to be on the phone with me as we co-construct their profile, address their communication difficulties, develop their image... or any other eHarmony related problems that they'd like to address. For these people, I'd be happy to provide telephone consultation for $197/hour. (Sorry, I don't bill in fractional hours.)

Again, I will retain the right to use our counseling sessions for educational purposes, but I will not release (or obtain!) voice recordings, and will not release your location, name, or photos. Again, for those who do not want our sessions to be used for educational purposes - I will do so for a $50/hour charge.

Group Consultation Service
Got a group of friends? If you agree to work in a group, your fees (as individuals) will go down. In-person consultation to groups may also be available. Arrangements will be made on a case-by-case basis.

Our Committment to You
Yes, I realize that these services are not cheap. But I'll stand by them.

Before we begin, (and before I bill you a single cent), we will discuss your goals. And we'll discuss how we can measure your improvment. If I don't think I can put you on the path to your goals... I'll let you know. Because if I can't help you, I don't want your money.

If you try my suggestions, but still don't improve? I'll keep working with you until you do. For free. Or, I'll refund your money.

Interested?
Email me at scottigrey@eharmonycracked.com. We'll get the process started.

Be a profile critic.... You could win a personal consultation

As I've mentioned, I'll soon be opening the doors on my consultation business.

And I'm giving you a chance to be my first customer. For free.

And even if you don't win the consultation... you'll STILL be a winner.

How can you win?

Here's how it works:

1. Join the google group. You're going to have to talk to your fellow readers to compete in this one, folks.
2. Write an email to me at the address listed at the top of this blog. Use a subject line of "GROUP OF FIVE".
3. I'll start a discussion on the Google Group for your "Group of five". You'll be randomly assigned to join four of your fellow readers.
   
4. Post your eHarmony profile to your "Group of five" thread.
5. Once you've put your profile on the chopping block... provide your BEST feedback to your fellow "Group of five" members.
6. I'll let the threads go on for at least two weeks.
7. In each group of five, I'll pick a "winner", based on the quality of the criticism they provide, and how much I feel they've improved by participating in the process. And, yes, my decision is both subjective and final.
8. I reserve the right to advance "wildcard" winners in the competition, at my convenience and selection. (Mostly to make sure that the semi-final and final groups have 5 members.)
   
9. The winners of each "group of five" round will be placed in NEW groups of five, consisting of other winners.
10. The process repeats... until we have a winner.
11. Yes, you can post comments to groups other than your group of five. (Or, even if you're not a "group of five" member.) But you won't advance in the competition for doing it.
    

So, even if you don't win the competition - you'll still be getting some great feedback from your fellow members. And the more you help others (and respond to the help offered to you)... the better help you're going to receive.

And the winner? Will get a personal consultation on the subject of their choosing.

Want me to give my personal criticism of your profile? Fine.

Got another sticking point you'd like to talk about? I'm all ears.

And, like I said... my personal consultations won't come cheap, folks. You're looking at an over $200 value here.

So, get crackin' folks. And I'll see you on the Google Group.

Coming soon...

If it isn't obvious from my writings... I've been getting a lot of email asking for me to give detailed answers to specific questions, or for profile reviews.

In general, I prefer to answer questions in a way that benefits the community, rather than just the person who is asking the question. So, I usually ask them to pose the question to our Google Group. Because, if the Google Group can't answer it, I know that it's a great topic for the blog.

But, in the past, a lot of people have told me that they don't feel comfortable airing their concerns publicly. And some people want immediate answers from me, rather than the group.

And, in the past, I've responded by telling them that I am working for the betterment of the community as a whole, and, unfortunately, don't have time to answer individual questions that can't be shared with the community.

But, lately, I've been thinking about doing some projects for the blog. And these projects would cost money.

And I've also got a group of people who plead with me for immediate and private profile reviews or other "dating consultant" services.

So... if they need answers, and feel they can't contribute their stories to the community... maybe they can offer money for upcoming projects.

It's an interesting idea. And one that I'll start to explore in the next month. I need to do a few more things before I can open my business doors - but I'll be open soon.

For those in the community? Don't worry. My first priority is to forward the community. And nothing will change there.

And for those who would prefer to share their money, rather than their stories? I'll give you fair warning in advance. My time will not be sold cheaply.

Help me help you...

As always, I want to make sure that eHarmony Cracked reflects your needs.

And, in order to do that, I'd like you to help out.

So, what can you do to make sure that I continue to write articles that you'll be interested in?

Here are some projects that are underway:

Like it? Don't like it? Star it!
Blogger has recently started a new feature, allowing you to rate articles.

And, yes, I'll be listening to the feedback.

If some articles earn low ratings... I'll avoid those topics in the future.

And, if I see high ratings... I'll try hitting the topic more frequently, or in more detail.

Ask questions in our google group
I consider our google group to be an important part of the eHarmony Cracked community.

I try not to interrupt conversation too much - I've found that my input tends to settle issues, rather than forward discussion. But the conversations often inspire articles.

The reasons? Pretty obvious. If people are motivated to write something in the google group - I assume that it's a topic that people want to read about.

Squeaky wheels do get greased
I may not answer every question asked to me via email... but the questions often inspire articles.

I figure - if one person asks a question, there are probably lots of other readers who'd like to... but are too shy to say so.

So, if you want to see something addressed... send me an email. I won't promise to answer... but I will promise to read it and think about it.

Help me figure out the "Best of"
One thing that I've noticed is that this article is #385.

Obviously, asking new readers to read every single one of them is a pretty daunting task.

In order to help the new readers, I'd like to start a "Best of" section.

Unfortunately, I'm not in a good place to decide what my best articles are. And I'll need your help.

Analytics tell part of the story: Right now, our most read articles are:

• "About the Coupon Codes..."
• Our open communication templates (scroll to the bottom of this page)
• "Zen, and the Art of Answering eHarmony Questions"
• Our profile building advice
• "An Online Tip that will Hurt you on eHarmony"
  

Of course, just because they're the most read, doesn't mean that they're the best.

So, please... leave me a comment. What have been the most important articles to you?

I'll tally up the results, and build my "best of" section with your input.

I miss my wisdom tooth...

Sorry, folks. I've got way too much pain, swelling, and narcotics in my system to write today...

I'll probably feel better tomorrow.

When you ask for help...

When I started the eHarmony Cracked Google Group, I was pleasantly surprised by the enthusiasm and spirit of it's membership.

And, in general, people in the community like to help people who are learning the ropes. And I've been pretty happy with how the community has come to embrace it's new members.

But... sometimes, people ask questions, and wonder why they don't get replies.

When, the truth is, if they got replies, they might have to break the "please be civil" rule.

So, if you're a first time poster... here's some advice.

Show that you've read the information on the blog.
One of the most commonly unanswered questions falls along the lines of, "I've done something completely different from what the blog recommends... what small changes do I need to make?"

Actually, I'm glad that people experiment with ideas that don't come from the blog. And, a lot of times, even I learn new things from my members. And, yes, members do support fellow members who've done spectacularly stupid things...

But, if you don't show that you're even familiar with the information on the blog... most people don't want to go through the effort writing long essays repeating what I've already said.

Yeah, I know. There are a lot of articles. If you're new, I'd start from the earliest articles - those provide the basics.

In general, members are much less likely to answer questions like:

"I've just exchanged 16 messages with a woman, and spent hours on MSN with her, talking about the things we have in common... but I still can't get a date with her."

than,

"I know that Scott tells people to send letter #3 when a woman tells him to go to MSN chat... but I spend a lot of time on the service, and it might be easier than the phone. Has anyone made MSN work for them?"

The second poster demonstrates that he has some grasp of what's been said. People will wonder whether the first poster even bothered to read the blog before asking for help.

And if you disagree with a point on the blog? That's fine. It's good to reexamine topics once in awhile. But you need to show that you're at least familiar with what's been said.

Be specific
People are generous with their time on our group. But that generosity isn't infinite. And people don't like to write book-length essay answers to one-sentence questions.

So, if you ask, "How do I write a good profile?", prepare to be ignored. Or, at best, politely told to click the "Profile building" section, and read in reverse chronological order.

But "profile critiques" are a time-honored tradition on our Google group.

And "How do you think this will work..." questions can also provoke good conversation.

Check the archives
Finally, sometimes you'll have a question that's already been recently answered on the Google Group.

In general, it's best to look through the group, and see if your question's already been answered.

Stick to the topic
In general, eHarmony Cracked provides unique coverage of these topics:

• What things work (and don't work) on eHarmony.
• Transitioning from eHarmony into the first dates.
• Long-term relationships, and integrating PUA techniques into a long-term-relationship friendly frame.
• Discussion of the "Attachment model".

Our group probably is the best place to address these topics - other seduction-related boards simply don't cover them.

Other topics might generate some discussion in our Google group, and, in general, I don't censor topics unless they're both inflammatory and flagrantly off-topic. (For example, trying to start a heated political discussion.)

But, off-topic questions may not get the highest quality answers. Or people who are interested in carrying the discussion forward.

So, if it doesn't carry? Don't be upset. Outside of the topics that I've listed, there are plenty of other places on the internet. Many of which can provide better answers than our little group.

Our female commentary is BACK...

Well, as some of you have noticed, our previous commentators (Maryann and Quirky Girl) haven't written in quite some time. And, yes, I realize that a lot of you have missed the female commentary.

So... I've asked BittenChick to join us - and she's graciously accepted.

And, yes, her first comment is already up.

Check out her comments by visiting the label, "A Woman's Thoughts", on your left.

(Oh, and she has a blog, too. You might want to check it out.)

Happy Birthday, eHarmony Cracked!

Wow.

This blog is having it's first birthday tomorrow.

And, let me tell you, folks. It's been a wild, and unexpected ride.

Let's take a quick look at how we've started, and where we are today...

When this blog was started, it was meant to be a gift to the pickup artist community. A little secret to be shared between trusted friends. An evolutionary adjustment of technique to adapt to a different method of communication.

Well, the "little secret group" lasted less than a month, after one of our more enthusiastic members began a (small) publicity campaign.

And started a chain reaction of events that I would have never predicted.

The most obvious change? Our membership itself. From a secret cabal of less than 25 invited members, we've grown to a readership of over 2000 unique readers monthly. And we expect to pass the 3000 unique readers benchmark in January.

Aside from our numbers, Quantcast.com paints an interesting picture of us. Here's what I know about you:

• Despite being written from a man's perspective... 45% of our readers are women. And, although I could joke about how interesting it is that women want to read advice on how to pick up other women, they've made our community much more interesting. (And, yes, I've been told that a few people have went around eHarmony and met each other through our Google Group...)
• You're a lot more successful than the average eHarmony (or advice.eharmony.com) user - at least financially. 29% of you make over $100,000 a year, and 60% of you make over $60,000 yearly. And you're also more educated than the average advice.eharmony.com user. Bottom line? People who've been successful in their lives choose my advice over eHarmony's. And that's flattering.
  
• On the down side? A little ethnic diversity would be nice. My readership is 92% cauccasian. If anyone has ideas on how I could make my writing or our group a little more relevant to other cultures... please let me know.

So, how are you doing? It's difficult to say. I get a lot of letters thanking me for what I've done, and quite a few letters telling me about improvements they've made. Perhaps more importantly, I'm seeing a lot of men, previously describing themselves as being "frustrated" with the service becoming happier and more self-confident.

Oh... and eHarmony's made some changes, too. One wise man described the process of change as going in three steps:

• "That's not true."
• "That may be true, but it's not relevant."
• "That's true, but we already knew that."

Before this blog started?

• eHarmony's radio ads trumpeted that you don't have to worry about what you write in your profile.
• They suggested that they were the only certain way for someone to meet the love of their lives.
• Suggested that the solution - for everyone - was to find the "right person", and that the "packaging" should be irrelevant. And that if anyone was doing badly, they just needed more patience.
  

Since that time?

• eHarmony wrote one article saying that pickup technique (particularly the concept of the "avatar") was effective, but deemphasized it's relevance for "relationship-minded" people.
• ... but, soon after writing that article, incorporated the core avatar principle in another article - that a profile can not be a complete statement about who a person is, and that one should be mindful about the initial impression their profile makes.
• They've stopped discouraging people from looking for people outside of the eHarmony service. Advertising started centering around finding someone "you'll love", and less about marriage. And they've even tested ads where they're just promising a good date.

Can I say that these changes were because of my blog? I can't say. But it's an interesting coincidence.

Anyway... thanks for a great year, folks.

Can't wait to see what happens this year.

The eHarmony Date Predictor has been updated...

Only two days after it's release, the eHarmony Date Predictor has been updated. You can download it here.

Changes made:

• Changed "number of active eHarmony members" and source of information. May provide a more accurate number of dates that you'll get when you first subscribe. (Or, it may not.)
• Factored in the increased likelihood that women with attractive pictures will get more dates. (Why didn't I think of that before?)

Enjoy!

I'm on vacation...

I'll be on vacation next week. And I'll be taking a break from writing articles.

I'll be back, rested, and ready on December 24th.

A word to the obsessive-compulsive...

On October 24th-25th, I'll be in meetings during my usual blog-writing time.

I will continue to post daily, but the posts will probably be late.

Please... don't send hate mail.

Taking a day off tomorrow...

In order to observe Rosh Hashanah (The Jewish New Year), I will not be making a post tomorrow.

Instead, I'll be reflecting... and ready for more on Friday.

And if you want to understand a little bit about what Rosh Hashanah is... enjoy this video.

Introducing... Quirky Girl's commentary

Well, it looks like we have a new female perspective... Say "hello" to Quirky Girl, folks!

I've already posted a few of her comments - check out the "A woman's thoughts" category to find them.

Oh, and she does have her own blog, as well. Check it out.

And, to be completely fair - if any of you ladies have an eHarmony related blog that you'd like to promote... email me. I'll add it to my blog roll.

And, no, folks. Maryann isn't fired. We'll continue to publish her thoughts for as long as she can provide 'em.

Looking for more female perspectives...

Okay, ladies (and I know you're out there)... You've read Maryann's comments. I'm sure that a lot of you have thought, "Hey, I could do that!" Maybe some of you think you can do even better...

Here's your chance. Unfortunately, Maryann will be winding her activity down... With her busy academic schedule and new boyfriend, she'll soon find herself unable to continue. So... I'm looking for folks who will entertain and inform. And I'm definitely NOT looking for a "dittos" girl.

So, if you'd like to be our new "female perspective"... send me an email, and a writing sample. (In other words... send me a sample of your reaction to some of my posts.)

And, thanks, Maryann. It's been fun. Best of luck... and keep in touch.