The Dangers of Textual Diarrhea

Most guys, when they visit a site like eHarmony, don't really know what they want.

And, in their profile and communications, they try to please everyone. So, they try to put out long streams of anything that might please someone.

And, often end in a case of what I call, "Textual diarrhea". Long passages of disconnected, loose crap.

And, make no mistake about it - women see through this quickly.

In the profile? You really don't want to go into "diarrhea" mode. Pick just a few intriguing highlights. And keep your text short. Your highlights may not please everyone... but they'll please the women that you want to spend time with.

In your communications? Ease off the gas. She's gone through long rounds of guided communication. If she's done that - she's interested in you. You don't need to prove yourself further. Relax.

Because, when you relax, the women who are attracted to you will work harder.

And, pretty soon, you might be on the receiving end of her textual diarrhea.

Help me help you...

As always, I want to make sure that eHarmony Cracked reflects your needs.

And, in order to do that, I'd like you to help out.

So, what can you do to make sure that I continue to write articles that you'll be interested in?

Here are some projects that are underway:

Like it? Don't like it? Star it!
Blogger has recently started a new feature, allowing you to rate articles.

And, yes, I'll be listening to the feedback.

If some articles earn low ratings... I'll avoid those topics in the future.

And, if I see high ratings... I'll try hitting the topic more frequently, or in more detail.

Ask questions in our google group
I consider our google group to be an important part of the eHarmony Cracked community.

I try not to interrupt conversation too much - I've found that my input tends to settle issues, rather than forward discussion. But the conversations often inspire articles.

The reasons? Pretty obvious. If people are motivated to write something in the google group - I assume that it's a topic that people want to read about.

Squeaky wheels do get greased
I may not answer every question asked to me via email... but the questions often inspire articles.

I figure - if one person asks a question, there are probably lots of other readers who'd like to... but are too shy to say so.

So, if you want to see something addressed... send me an email. I won't promise to answer... but I will promise to read it and think about it.

Help me figure out the "Best of"
One thing that I've noticed is that this article is #385.

Obviously, asking new readers to read every single one of them is a pretty daunting task.

In order to help the new readers, I'd like to start a "Best of" section.

Unfortunately, I'm not in a good place to decide what my best articles are. And I'll need your help.

Analytics tell part of the story: Right now, our most read articles are:

• "About the Coupon Codes..."
• Our open communication templates (scroll to the bottom of this page)
• "Zen, and the Art of Answering eHarmony Questions"
• Our profile building advice
• "An Online Tip that will Hurt you on eHarmony"
  

Of course, just because they're the most read, doesn't mean that they're the best.

So, please... leave me a comment. What have been the most important articles to you?

I'll tally up the results, and build my "best of" section with your input.

Debunking the "Three Day Rule"

It's the age-old question. Thanks to our guided communication templates, you've quickly snagged her phone number.

Now - how fast should you call?

Guys have been overthinking this question for years. In a lot of guys' minds, calling "too soon" signals overexcitement and desperation. And, in the movie, "Swingers", the idea of the "three day rule" was popularized. (For those who've been sitting under a rock for the last decade - the "three day rule" is to call the woman three days after exchanging phone numbers.)

And, if you follow the seduction literature, there are a lot of gurus who advocate the same advice. Some even advocate waiting even longer, so you don't look like a "three day rule" guy.

So... how long should you wait before calling her?

Again, I'll let the seduction gurus speak for themselves on what works in the bars, and on other online personals sites. But, in my experience... the "Three day rule" just doesn't work on eHarmony.

Because, almost every time that I've tried to wait before making the phone call... things got weird.

Women got more nervous, and more flakey. Or, they tried to play "timing" games with me.

So, in my hands, anyway, the "Three day rule" (or for that matter, four or five day rules) just doesn't work.

So, when should you call?

Don't overthink it. Pick a convenient time. For me, early evenings have been reliable. Picking up the phone minutes (or 1-2 hours) after she leaves her email does seem soon, but I haven't actually experimented with that. However, I would try to call within 24 hours. 36 is pushing it.

Is your experience different? Leave a comment.

She's not responding? Don't feel bad.

In my early days of eHarmony, it was easy for me to get excited about some of the profiles I saw.

I'd say things like, "Wow - I'm exactly what she says she's looking for!" Or, "Hey, we have so much in common!" Or, "She's so much like other women that I get along so well with..."

Or any number of reactions.

But, yes, my profile was pretty bad. And so were my pictures. So... despite how "perfect" they seemed in my mind, they wouldn't talk to me.

And, yes, it frustrated the heck out of me. How could I have "blown it" so badly with someone who seemed to be such a great match?

Eh. Live and learn.

But, an interesting thing happened once I started getting my act together.

A lot of the same women returned.

They saw the better and more intriguing aspects of my personality. And, often, they started communication.

Guess what? Every single one of those women turned out to be a major disappointment. Some had trouble separating from old relationships. Others had major mental health problems (and I'm not saying this casually). Some were just too demanding. Or angry about their singlehood. Or too nervous to have a good time with someone they met online. The list goes on and on.

So, the lesson here? Even if she seems "perfect", you never know about her until you meet her.

And her failure to establish communication? She could be doing you a huge favor.

Relax. And have fun with the people who are interested in meeting you.

Wanna learn some tricks?

There are a lot of schools of thought in the seduction community. Some of these schools advocate learning "routines" or tricks to demonstrate higher value.

I'm pretty agnostic about this. On one hand, if the only higher value that you carry is the fact that you've learned a few magic tricks... you've got some problems.

But, if you enjoy these tricks (and I do, as a rare "spice"), and you choose tricks that are congruent with your personality, they can provide a little fun.

But, in general, I don't like to get these "tricks" from the seduction community. Unfortunately, many members overuse these tricks. And you don't demonstrate higher value when you've shown someone a trick that's already been overused by a bunch of pick-up artists. In my experience, it's best to learn these tricks from other sources.

One new source that hasn't been tapped by the "seduction community" is a new web series, "Scam School". And, thankfully, because this blog isn't read by too many people... I don't think you'll have problems with the overuse of these tricks.

Anyway, it looks like a fun series. You might want to check it out.

And, no, folks. This isn't a commercial placement. They're free, they're fun, and they're useful. So, I'll give them a hand.

Your next job - Cracked!

As I've walked the path that I've endorsed on the blog, I've discovered that it's about a lot more than just dating.

My career has also taken off in the process.

Why? Because the same realizations that I've used in finding women... I've also used in my career.

If you're looking for a job, and you take the "supplicant" position... prepare to wait. Supplicants are a dime a dozen. If you're lucky, no one will hire you, and, after sitting in the "I'm a nice guy, why won't anyone hire me?" seat for awhile, you might wake up. If you're unlucky, you'll find a desperate or abusive employer.

If you act like an over-entitled ass, not many people will want to deal with you. They might use you for a little while, but they'll be happy when you self-destruct after the job is done.

If you go to the interview, quietly demonstrate your value, relax, look at the interview as an opportunity to see if the company is right for you (and not the other way around), and look at their questions as an opportunity to learn about them - the right employers will start chasing you.

And once you've made your selection? Know that you can leave at any time and find a better job if things turn sour.

And, you know what? Since I've been doing this... I've been much happier.

Oh, and another thing - don't just stick to monster.com or the want ads. There's some comfort in doing that, but, for a company... It's a mild sign of desperation when they put out an ad or hire a headhunter. The best jobs are found through networking.

"You might make a decent friend..."

In my "fourth wall" article, a few days ago, a few people stopped and wondered... Why would I even say "And if the chemistry's not there, you seem like you might make a decent friend"?

Well, the line isn't original - I think that David DeAngelo was the first one to popularize it. (However, the "chemistry" part is, essentially, hijacked eHarmony dogma.) It's a "spice" - something that, if used correctly, can add a little bit of excitement to the chase.

It usually comes in soon after arranging the date, although it can be used at other times. But the reason that I mention that time is because, around the point where you're asking her to meet up, a woman might begin to feel like she's convinced you of her worth. That she can sit back, relax, and take you (or not) whenever she's ready. In extreme cases, you become an emotional tampon. (Although, this happens from a chain of errors - not from a failure to use any particular spice.)

This "spice", essentially, lets her know that she hasn't won you over yet. And lets her know that you still haven't made up your mind about her.

Of course, there are problems with this spice as well. If she sees you more as a friend than an object of desire, this can reinforce her belief. It amplifies attraction - it doesn't create it out of nothing. And, if a woman is very vulnerable, it could, theoretically, lead to a self-esteem meltdown.

But it's a usable tool that's worked well for me. It serves as a minor irritant that forces her to work harder for my interest.

Of course, if you're doing well (or better) without it... feel free to ditch it. It's only a spice, after all.