We were almost there, when... (Or: LMR, ASD, MOUSE)

It can be a maddening thing. You're feeling like the comfort is there. She seems willing. Things start to get hot and heavy.

And, all of the sudden, she blocks your physical advances.

The seduction community has written a lot about management of last-minute resistance (LMR) and the "Anti-slut defense" (ASD). But, since people like reading my personal spin on things... here it is.

For real resistance: Time out, reevaluate
When women are saying, "No", they make it very clear. They will politely push you away, or tell you to stop. Usually both.

When you're in the moment, one thing that many men do is back off a little bit, continue the physical escalation... and usually, get blocked again. It's a cycle that's uncomfortable for both of you. So, it's not the best move.

The usual community response is a "freeze out". And community members write as if it's a manipulative thing to do - basically, to stop all physical contact, do something else, and wait for her to come back.

Personally, I don't see it as manipulative at all. It's a display of kindness. She's feeling overworked, and uncomfortable. You say, "I understand", give her a little room to breathe, and let her come back when she's ready. And there's nothing manipulative about that.

While you're giving her a break to gather her wits... think about what led up to this resistance. Are you both clear and comfortable with what the next step means in your relationship? Are you feeling comfortable enough with each other to truly believe what you're saying the relationship is? Are you giving mixed signals? Or is she?

Finally, physical escalation exists as a continuum of comfort. If kissing isn't comfortable, advancing past kissing will lead to resistance. Take your time, and let things unfold as comfort allows.

How much time? The Mystery Model posits a "seven hour rule" - basically, for an average seduction, it takes about seven hours (4-11 is the range) to build enough comfort for the idea of sex to be okay. But, keep in mind, this is for women who have very few "strings attached" - the idea of having sex doesn't mean that much. If it means more... you'll probably need to spend more time.

About pseudo-resistance
There's another small category of behavior that could be considered resistance, of a sort.

Unlike real resistance, there isn't a clear, "no", and no physical resistance (maybe even physical escalation). Generally, they're phrases which are not accompanied by physical blocking. Phrases like: "That's pretty aggressive", "We shouldn't be doing this", "I'm nervous", "This is going pretty fast", and so on. They're observations. They're not saying "no", while they're continuing (or escalating) physical activity.

And, they're not really "no." It's a woman's way of saying, "Hey, we're crossing a line here... let me know it's OK."

So... provide the reassurance. And continue. If you're wrong, she'll let you know.

And, obviously... use proper protection, guys.

Maryann says:

I agree, Scott. Good post.