Erase "failure" from your mind!

Time and time again, I see men (and women) beat themselves up for their "failures". They talk about the woman that they were interested in... but failed to attract. Or the one they attracted, but failed to seduce. And, after their "failure", they beat themselves up about how badly they're doing.

Well... stop beating yourself up.

If she's not attracted... it's not a failure. No one can be all things for all people. You move on to a woman who shows more interest. And that's not a failure - that's common sense.

If you don't get through guided communication - she's either too quick to judge, or you've got incompatible values. And, in either case, you've done yourself a service by eliminating her early. It's not a failure. It's a woman who's been properly screened out.

If you can't arrange the date... she's uncomfortable with the "meeting a guy online" thing. That's okay. It's not for everybody. And you've saved yourself from going on a date with an uncomfortable woman. So... that's not a failure either.

If you meet, but you can't make it physical... the chemistry isn't always there. And you might make a decent friend. So, that's not a failure either.

And if you can't "seal the deal" - it's probably because you can't come to an agreement on what the deal IS. And that's not a failure either.

Guess what, folks. Even the best pick-up artists don't score by seducing every woman every time. In fact, they don't even try. They're just happy, fun, social people who make an effort to get to know a lot of folks. They make an effort to get into "sets" with 100 people a week. And, when you're social with a lot of folks... good things happen when it's right, and when you're able to develop confidence in handling the next steps.

And the surest way to kill attraction? Pushing too hard.

So, relax. Enjoy the process of getting to know people better. Learn to escalate when opportunities present themselves... and only when they do.

And when a woman acts in a silly, self-defeating way... laugh. Don't beat yourself up.

Quirky Girl Says:
Scott makes some great points here--I agree completely. There's no better way to sabotage your dating successes than by focusing too much on the times when things don't work out. If you let yourself get into a funk, preoccupy yourself with all the things that could possibly go wrong, or let past experiences erode your self-confidence, then you'll be so busy waiting for the other shoe to drop that you might miss a great opportunity or even inadvertently hamper your efforts with someone.

It's just as tough for women when things don't work out the way we had hoped with someone. Finding someone that meets a shortlist of criteria on paper isn't all that difficult. Finding true compatibility is tough, but that's why it's so rewarding when you do find someone you truly click with (and you WILL). If it weren't so challenging, services like eHarmony wouldn't exist.

Next time you experience a perceived "failure," just keep in mind that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. We women are struggling with the same doubts and disappointments. Fortunately, not all women are attracted to the same type of man, just like not all men are attracted to the same type of woman. My best friend and I are very much alike, yet have completely opposite taste in men. There's nothing wrong with the men she's into; they're just not right for me.

So, keep persevering and enjoy the experience!