Go ahead... be lazy.

In this blog, I've told you a lot about how your job, in your early eHarmony communications is to build intrigue... and do little more.

And, the funny thing is, people often feel that they need to do more.

They write long, involved essays in their "About me" profiles.

They write long, involved answers to phase three questions.

They carefully craft answers to make themselves look super-witty, or super-impressive.

And, in short, they look like they're trying too hard to impress.

And to a woman, "Trying too hard" means a lot of bad things. It shows that you lack confidence. That you feel that a more genuine expression of your personality isn't enough to win them over.

These kinds of impressive efforts also imply that you're trying too hard to win people over... even when you don't know them very well. They may flatter or amuse her, but attraction only occurs when a woman feels like she has to work to get you.

So, as I've said... build some intrigue. Then stop. And make her work just as hard (or even a little harder) to get to know you.

Quirky Girl says:

I would love to deny the fact that making women chase you works, but I can't. The guys I've fallen for hardest have made me work for their attentions. It's like anything in life--the more we work for it, the more we appreciate it. If we're given something freely, we tend not to place as much value on it. I'm not suggesting you intentionally play games, but there is something to be said for leaving a little mystery in the relationship. Fill out your profile completely and answer questions accurately, but don't try to cram your life story into them either. You will have plenty of time for that later. And we will smell the stink of desperation on you if you're trying too hard. Sorry, that's just reality. One word of caution: Don't go overboard. If a guy is too brief in answering questions (or barely fills out his profile), it makes me feel like he's putting in the minimum effort required and isn't all that interested.

My suggestions: 400-500 characters (out of the maximum of 1000) for second questions. For responding to matches, about 2 days feels right. I feel like the guys who respond to me the same day (sometimes within minutes) or sometimes the next day are a little over-anxious. Two days lets me know that's he's interested, but that I'm not his only option. I can't speak for all women, but this is what works with me.