Why the average guy has trouble getting a phone number

Once you're starting to get people to respond to your profile, most people start having problems moving past the communication phases.

In general, most guys don't put a lot of effort into structured communication. They pick canned questions, and answer questions tersely.

But, when the first open message comes up, they start showering the woman with compliments, talking (in vague terms) about how much they have in common... in extreme cases, giving twelve zillion phone numbers with the instruction to please call soon.

I wasn't as bad as that. But I was close. Then I had an experience that opened my eyes.

My first eHarmony date was underwhelming. I could see why a computer would see us as compatible... but I wasn't feeling much chemistry. And I suspected that she didn't either. But, wanting to give her a fair shake, I called for a second date. She insisted on paying. And chose a very fancy night out.

I wasn't feeling flattered. I was feeling uncomfortable. And as I discovered some "deal-breakers", started to feel guilty.

So, what lesson did I learn? Throwing yourself at someone, spending a lot of money, and throwing unearned compliments can make people uncomfortable. And an uncomfortable woman is unlikely to give you her phone number.

So, first?

Don't just throw yourself at her. Be real. Until you've met her, she's just a profile. You don't know if she was honest when she filled out her profile. You don't know if her pictures are real. There may be enough there for some interest... but that's it. She hasn't earned your affection yet.

Next?

Don't make it so easy. Don't be insulting or critical, but use your opportunities to ask her some good, hard questions.

You want to show her that you're not the average guy. That you're not ready to rearrange your social schedule for some vague computer match.

And, yes, you PUAs out there, this is when you make sure that she qualifies to meet you.

After all, once you get your profile going... you'll have plenty to choose from.