The best "step 3" questions...

Finally, you've reached Step 3 in structured communication.

Here's a great opportunity to (again) separate yourself from the pack, by showing that you have standards. Unlike the teeming masses that are just going through this step to get a chance to get into her pants, you can demonstrate that you're selective... and that she hasn't won you over yet.

So, what are the best questions to ask in step 3?

See that list of questions?

Don't ask them.

Okay, if you must, use one of them. But that's it.

When you ask one of the "stock" questions, she's seen it a million times. And she responds by giving a "stock" answer. If she's experienced in eHarmony, she's got her answers memorized, and she's typing them as a reflex.

You don't want that. You want her to think. You want her to worry a little bit whether she's meeting your standards. Because, when she does that, she's invested in the outcome.

If she has to work for you, she has to justify that work. And she'll justify that work by believing that you're worth working for. Just like the psychological experiment that I describe in the welcome package.

Unfortunately, I can't give you questions. Because, if I put them up, a million new guys will be using them. And the whole effect is blown.

But, I can give you an idea of what makes a good question.

First of all, it should be at least as challenging as the stock eHarmony questions. Remember the first time you saw them? You should work at least as hard (if not a tiny bit harder) as you did when you first answered them.

Second, don't be critical. If you challenge them on a "must have" or criticize something in their profile, only do it if you're ready to reject her. Because she'll probably reject you preemptively. Believe me, I learned this one the hard way.

Finally, put them in a "happy" spot. Not only do they have to think about their answer, but they need to be reflecting on something that makes them feel good, confident, satisfied, and happy. This way, she'll associate passing your tasks with feeling good. And that helps.

... And, definitely, don't air any baggage in these questions. You want to be selective, but positive, happy, and emotionally ready. Asking about breakups, "dealkillers" in past relationships, and so on... makes you look insecure. And that will be a dealkiller.

Stay tuned... Tonight, I'm starting a new feature.