I'll start that list tomorrow. But, first, I think it's important to know what elements are necessary in order to make something a good question.
Unfortunately, there are few ideal questions. However, a good question should try to observe these rules:
- Make her think. People invest more value into things that they had to put effort into. And you want her to value the possibility of meeting you.
- Reflect where the relationship is. Right now, all you want to know is whether she's interesting enough to meet. And that's all you want to ask right now. Questions about the raising of children, sexual issues, and wedding ceremonies are premature. Putting these in your must haves/can't stands is OK, but asking these questions before you're even sure that you enjoy her company is very premature.
- Put her in a happy place when she's answering the questions. You want her to feel good when she answers your questions. Asking her questions that remind her of happy times in her life helps you to do that.
- Don't offer bribes. Overly "romantic" questions are common, as are men who brag about their material wealth. They don't reflect where the relationship is. Again, women are not attracted to men who feel like they have to offer bribes to engage a woman's interest.
- Avoid "baggage" issues. Asking "are you going to do what another girlfriend did?" makes you look like you're not opening yourself to what a new person has to offer. And very few women will accept the job of nursing your broken heart before meeting you.
- Avoid direct confrontation. (Unless you really want to give her one last chance before you're going to close her.) Don't ask questions that can be perceived as antagonistic to her profile statements, her previous answers, or her must haves/can't stands. If you do this, it needs to be done gently, and structured communication/email is a poor tool for the job.
Tomorrow, I'll talk about which of the "multiple choice" questions fit these criteria best.
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