Nice: 1. pleasing; agreeable; satisfactory. 2. thoughtful and considerate; pleasant; kind. 3. exact; precise; discriminating; able to distinguish small differences. 4. minute; fine; subtle. 5. delicately skillful; requiring great care, ability, or tact. 6. exacting; hard to please; very particular. 7. proper; suitable. 8. demanding a high standard of conduct; scrupulous.
The World Book Encyclopedia Dictionary, 1963 ed.
A lot of people are taking my advice on the online portion of eHarmony. They're doing well, and they're getting dates.
But they're having trouble moving past the first few dates.
The usual line? "You're a nice guy, but...."
Yeah, I've been there. A lot. Until I understood what "nice" really meant.
When "nice guys" hear the word "nice", they think about the positive connotations of the word. And they ask themselves, "Do women really want a guy who is unkind to other people?"
No. Most women appreciate a man who is able to show kindness.
But, when women talk about "nice guys", they're talking about the other traits.
Nice guys are pleasing. They go overboard to make someone else happy, and sacrifice their desires.
Nice guys are agreeable. They'll almost always go along with what the woman says. And they'll avoid conflict or argument.
They keep up pleasant appearances - and never let a woman know their displeasure.
They are tactful. They display a masterful dance of withdrawing and restating things to avoid any perceived offense.
In short? They don't let a woman know what they're really like. It's really creepy to think about being in a relationship with someone you don't know. And some of the other aspects of the definition of "nice" are not good. Such as being socially manipulative and indirect. Or holding inflexible standards for "acceptable" behavior.
So, no. Being a "nice guy", in this sense, is not a compliment.
We'll talk about an alternative tomorrow.
And, no, it's not "Be an asshole, instead".
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