Profile Clinic: Knowing when to stop.

Okay, time to take a break from the "attachment model"... and get back to the profile clinic.

"Wil E. Quixote" writes that, despite frequent editing and reediting of his profile, he continues to do poorly - he's been matched with over 120 people, and has been in open communication with one.

I know the cycle of "reediting". I wrote about it several times. I did a search for my "failure spiral", and I'd recommend that he reread these articles.

The good news? He does have good material in his profile. The problem is - he's trying just a little too hard. My guess is that, if he were to state his positives in a short, confident manner, he'd start doing much better.

So, here's a new starting point, from the vantage point of someone out of the spiral.

My suggestion? Take this, and leave it alone for awhile. If you want to introduce a change, introduce them one at a time, and don't make any further changes until you know the results of the last change you made.

So, let's get crackin'!

When asked about his passion, Wil wrote:

I am interested in many things. I get excited about ideas and concepts. I enjoy discussing ideas or being exposed to new things. I also dig language and stories. The shows and movies I love the best have popping dialogue and dynamic concepts. But the greatest of these is love for my friends and the passion I feel for helping my students.

One characteristic mistake that people make in the "failure spiral", is that, when the question asks for one thing, they lose focus. They don't know what will "sell". And they start listing a lot of things, hoping that something will hit the target.

He needs to be confident, and stop trying to sell. He could just answer with the first two sentences - they're short, concise, real, confident, and consistent with the rest of the profile. (I'd change the "or" to "and", though.) Or, he could rewrite the answer to state "the passion I feel for helping my students". (I'd skip "love for my friends" - far too cliched.)

Pick one. Stick with it. Be confident, and brief.

When asked to describe the most influential person, Wil writes:

I had two extraordinary teachers, Mr. Stewart and Mr. Alcock, who mentored and encouraged me. I have been blessed with a lot of great people in my life, but they are the ones who I model myself after, as a teacher and a man.

I'd dump the second sentence. And I'd hint at one specific thing they mentored or encouraged you to do. One extra sentence, maximum. And, please, don't make it a run-on.

And, now, the checklists:

4 things friends say:
# Affectionate
# Articulate
# Kind
# Funny

life skills
# Using humor to make friends laugh
# Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things
# Being a good friend and companion

I'd keep the life skills. As far as "things friends say", I've noticed that more commanding and "alpha" responses get more responses. Funny and articulate are both "alpha" traits, and I'd keep them. "Kind" and "Affectionate" are less so. I'd consider finding other alpha traits that are consistent with his personality.

Now, when asked what he's looking for, he writes...

I'm hoping to find a chatterbox with a sense of humor and an interest in ideas. I enjoy talking about random things. Philosophy. 80's TV. Crazy animal trivia. A pretty close second is that I gravitate towards people who are affectionate. All the people I've strongly connected to have been verbal and they've been warm.

Good - but he's selling much harder than he needs to. I'd cut everything out of this section but the first sentence. The rest of the profile supports this sentence just fine.

Now, as far as the first thing people notice....

I have a sense of wonder and play about a lot of things. I still notice hawks in the sky and put on foreign accents for my own amusement. I like being silly.

This is pretty good. I'd either keep this, or I'd take "I enjoy talking about random things. Philosophy. 80's TV. Crazy animal trivia." out of the last section, and put it here.

I'll let you pick. But pick only one. Don't try to use both.

As far as traits people don't notice right away, Wil writes:

I'm pretty heavily faceted. People who see one side of me are often surprised by the other sides. If you get The Clown, The Thinker, or The Caretaker, its worth knowing that there are other parts of me.

This is a non-answer. It describes everybody - not just you. And it looks like you're wimping out.

I'd pick one "facet", and write about that. You've already made "The Clown" and "The Thinker" obvious. And I'd avoid "The Caretaker" until she's earned enough credit to earn that role from you. Pick another facet, and write about it. Two sentences maximum. And make them short.

When asked to describe his leisure time, Wil writes:

I read a decent amount. Not as much as I did when I was a kid, but you cant drive to work reading. Or so I'm told by a CERTAIN TRAFFIC COP. I rollerblade some. I love to polish my cooking skills. They are actually reasonably shiny by now. I play boardgames a fair amount. "Apples to Apples" and "Betrayal At The House On The Hill" are favorites. But most of all, I love to share ideas and stories. I'm pretty open to new experiences. Mostly I love hanging out with interesting people.

There's good stuff here, but it's buried under weasel words and weasel phrases. Here's how I'd rewrite it.

"I read a lot. I rollerblade. I like to polish my cooking skills. I play boardgames - 'Apples to Apples' and 'Betrayal At The House On the Hill' are my favorites. But, most of all, I love hanging out with interesting people, sharing ideas and stories."

If you want to throw the joke back in... hold for awhile. After you know how your profile plays without the joke, add it. But, right now, the joke seems to represent the "try harder" attitude that is hurting your efforts. For the sake of example, leave it out for now.

And now, for the last book he read...

I am re-reading Story Of The Stone by Barry Hughart, and I'm really loving it. If you imagine Han Solo and Sherlock Holmes combined, made them chinese, and 100 years old in ancient china, that would be the main character.

I also like Harlan Coben in general. He writes very taut thrillers. One of the things I like about them is that they are a celebration of regular folks and the basic goodness of people. I also read a lot of Terry Pratchett, who is basically what you get if you stick The Kids In The Hall in a blender with traditional fantasy novels. Really. Its freaking hilarious.

The second paragraph? Trying too hard. Get rid of it.

The first paragraph could stand some tightening up, as well. I'd go with, "I'm re-reading 'Story Of The Stone' by Barry Hughart, and I'm really loving it. Combine Han Solo and Sherlock Holmes, make them Chinese, and set them 100 years ago in ancient China. That would describe the main character."

As far as what only his friends know, Wil writes:

My best friends EARNED the right to know these things by doing four tours in Sarasota, braving nearly blind snowbirds in cadillacs, encephalitis, and tropical storms. You have to at least go out on a couple dates with me. 8)

This approach is common, and it's a wimp-out. And the forced humor doesn't help matters. A complete rewrite is in order.

Good news? We've cut a lot of material. We can use one of the scraps here. "I get geeky about animal trivia." "I still get hypnotized by 80's television reruns." "I put on foreign accents for my own amusement." Pick one, and only one. And keep it just as short as I typed.

Finally, Wil ends with this call to action:

Not really. If you havent been watching Pushing Daisies, you should. I just like to plug the show. Its that good. Your other shows are in re-runs. Give it a try.

For now, stick with a standard call to action. If you really want to try plugging "Pushing Daisies" instead, do it as an experiment after you already know what a standard call to action does.

And there you go. Your personality is still there. We certainly haven't buried it. We just stopped overselling it. And it makes you look much more confident.

This profile won't appeal to everyone. But, my guess is, he won't want to meet women who aren't interested in the guy that we've described. It looks like a good start.

Give it a shot. And resist the urge to edit until you know how things are already working, okay?

Good luck. And let us know how you're doing, Wil!