Does kindness need to be hidden?

Many people, when they're first introduced to the ideas of this blog, have some resistance. They feel that the confident, honest, and direct communication style that I put forth doesn't mesh well with their own personalities.

They ask, "but, I really am a nice guy. Shouldn't that come through in my profile?"

Well, first, you need to examine what "nice" means. If you're talking about the negative connotations of being nice, then, the answer is a resounding "no".

But some people who describe themselves as "nice" don't have those negative connotations. They are genuinely kind, warm, generous, and principled people. They don't act this way to try to "get" something out of someone. They do it for themselves.

These are very positive traits. And your profile should imply that you have them.

The problem? You need to not look like the manipulative, trying-to-please-so-I-can-get-what-I-really-want-if-I-really-know-what-that-is-anyway "nice guy".

So, what do the manipulators do?

They brag about their "niceness", with the implication that they should be rewarded.

They say that they're "nice". And give long tributes to themselves.

They say that they like stereotypic "nice things". Like puppies and flowers.

So... don't do that. People with kindness and emotional warmth don't need to directly say it. They live it. And it will show in their profile.

For example, a lot of "warm, nice" guys will talk about evenings at the beach.

But, what about the young writer, who, when asked what he's passionate about, answers, "Right now, I'm passionate about my newest project - I'm collecting the life stories of the men on death row, to try to understand what went wrong in their lives to make them explode in such a violent way."

He's not bragging. He's saying what he's passionate about. Some women may not empathize with a death row criminal. And that's immaterial. What he is demonstrating, indirectly, is the ability to understand others, respond to other people's emotions, and display his legitimate kindness toward people that others seek to avoid.

All good relationship strengths.

If he decides to be in a relationship with the reader.