A frame for the relationship-minded

Pick-up artists spend a lot of time talking about something called, "the frame".

In a way, the early stages of a relationship are a little bit of a scramble. People need to declare, quickly, what they want and don't want out of a relationship. And "men" who aren't able to tell a woman what they want are pretty undesirable.

For most pick-up artists, the frame is, "We're having a good time. Let's leave it at that." And, when a woman starts to ask pesky questions about what you're looking for, standard pick-up technique is to deflect the question.

For example, if a woman starts to imply that they're looking for a "serious relationship", a PUA dodge might be to say, "I'm glad you're interested." Or, "Hey, slow down... I haven't even decided if I like you yet..."

If you're looking for a no-strings attached physical relationship, this IS a great approach. Women who are willing to accept such a relationship understand the message that is being sent with these kinds of dodges. In fact, they're comforted by them - they know that the man won't get clingy, or ask for a relationship that she doesn't want.

In my experience, though, relationship-minded women won't drop the subject with a quick cocky-funny dodge. It's going to be asked again. And, until it's answered, it's going to become a block to further intimacy. Because, unless you can agree on this value, a relationship-minded woman will be too uncomfortable to escalate intimacy.

Within the "traditional" PUA realm, these women are called, "no fun". Or "relationship nazis". And they're a sure sign to move onto another target. But, if you're relationship-minded... I'm not so sure that you want to dismiss them out of hand.

For these women, a slight modification to the frame will help a lot.

My frame? In the early stages, it's, "I'm looking for the right person. I don't know if you're it, yet. And I want to have fun finding out."

When you subtly convey this message...the barrier to intimacy disappears quickly.

Don't take this too far. If a woman wants to put conditions on a relationship that are unacceptable, leave and move on. You have a lot of women to choose from, and you don't need to sell your standards short for anybody.

But if a woman wants you to be open to a committed relationship... I consider that a good thing.