Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Icebreakers? Don't waste your time.

Well, folks, it looks like eHarmony just added another new feature: The "Icebreaker".

Again, because it's so new, I don't have data on how to use this new feature yet. But it's very similar to features on other online dating sites, which are often called winks, smiles, teases, or flirts.

Essentially, this gives you the opportunity to send a brief, pre-written note to your match. And, if I understand this correctly, even non-members are allowed to send them.

So, let's take a look at the options that eHarmony gives us.

The vast majority of these options are just general signs of interest. These include:
  • Just wanted to say, "Hi!"
  • Your profile brought a smile to my face!
  • Your profile got my attention... let's chat.
  • It seems we live close to each other - let's talk.
  • Would you like to chat?
  • I'd love to chat!
  • Wink!
The trouble is, when you use these, you're demonstrating that you're either too wimpy to engage in communication, you're a woman who (sort of) follows the "I don't call guys" rule, or that you're a nonmember. And, yes, folks who are experienced in meeting people online have repeatedly said that these icebreaker-type activities are ineffective. (And in my experience, I agree.)

Bottom line? If you're a guy, and you want to introduce yourself, don't be a wimp. Start communication. Don't waste your time with an icebreaker.

Yes, there are other categories of icebreakers for certain situations. The problem is? There are already better alternatives present within the eHarmony system. These include:
  • Great pic... love to see more photos! (In my experience? This is best done in open communication.)
  • Your profile caught my attention... would love to see a photo. (Picture nudges work fine.)
  • Can't wait to get to know you... are you comfortable using Fast-Track? (Just initiate fast-track. If she has a problem with it, she'll say so. And, frankly, this question practically guarantees that she'll say no, IMHO.)
  • I'd prefer to use guided communication. (Again, communicated effectively by declining the fast track, and initiating communication...)
But, if eHarmony feels like taking a suggestion? One icebreaker that might be useful would be, "Welcome to eHarmony... I'm looking forward to reading your profile when it's done!"

I'd actually use that one.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Thanks, you pretty much confirmed my suspicion that this new feature was fairly useless. However, I do like your suggested 'icebreaker'. I have to wonder why they added this feature. Have members actually been clamoring for this?

Scott Grey said...

Doubtful. My guess is that it encourages nonmembers to invest further in meeting people.

If someone RETURNS an icebreaker message, and they need to pay to continue... it's harder to resist that call for your credit card number.

El Pato said...

Nice job on the blog. First comment for me, by the way.

So, I totally agree with your assessment of Icebreakers being lame, but I have an idea about when they could possibly be useful. Let me know what you think.

You send someone an opening round of questions. You see that they have viewed your profile after that, but don't respond to the questions. A couple days pass and you see that the person has viewed you again, but still hasn't responded. Up until now, you really had no way of communicating again, but with Icebreakers there is now the potential to give them that little nudge. What do you think? Good or bad?

Keep up the good work!

Scott Grey said...

I'm experimenting with a technique for this situation. Unfortunately, it's probably going to be a long time before the results come back. (I haven't got enough women acting this way yet to judge the results.)

If you want to try it, let us know how it works. It's not QUITE the direction I'm going right now.

If it's happening to you a lot, and you'd like to participate in the experiment, let me know. I'll get results faster that way... :-)