How many eHarmony matches will you get? I've updated the formula!

It's been six months since I've published my original "Date Predictor" - a tool designed to help people think about how a change in their match settings will affect how many people they'll be able to meet on eHarmony. It will also generate rough estimates of how many matches you'll recieve per day, and how many people are able to be matched, within your criteria. However, there are a lot of reasons why this estimate would be inaccurate.

Anyway, in the last six months, the statistics have changed, and it's now time to update the tool. You can download the new tool here.

Bad news - for most guys, the statistics have gotten worse in the last six months. Factors that may be affecting a decline in your matches?

• New member growth on eHarmony has slowed, somewhat.
• The male/female ratio has risen. It's now 60% female.
• If you're not interested in women who have children... sorry, but the percentage of the membership with children has grown to 32%.

Good news? Quality guys are still hard to find.

A few "eHarmony Cracked" testimonials

I'm sure a few of you folks are reading this, and wonder: "Does this stuff really work?"

Well, you don't have to take my word for it. Here are a few testimonials.

And, thanks, guys (and gals). Words like this are what make this blog worth the effort.

"Hi, Scott. I've been reading your blog. [...]I've been getting my profile ready to become a member, and wow, did I make a lot of mistakes [...] Thanks for your help!"

"Hi Scott-
I love your blog. Eharmony has gone from being slightly better than a trip to the dentist to being kind of fun! I've done ok before now, but now realize all the things ive done wrong in the past."

"Hi Scott,
I read your blog and loved it- it was great to get the male perspective on the eharmony experience. I learned a lot, and I now feel empowered knowing you guys have a lot of the same feelings about it that us girls do. I even tweaked my profile afterwards. I'm ashamed to say I had the old "I'm shy, at first" in there.
I just wanted to thank you for your insights, and although I know you meant for it to be for men only, I got a lot out of it. My EH crush seems like he's read your blog, too, and has essentially ruined all my other matches' chances with me. We're currently stuck in "email hell", but thanks to you, I'm going to make a move soon!
- thirty-something rocker girl on EH"

"Youre my only hope.
Okay, not really.
But I'm interested in joining your little sweatlodge."

"Hi Scott,
Great blog! I've been on eH, off and on, for quite a while and have wondered about most of the topics you've addressed. Thanks for providing so much information. I've learned quite a few things, confirmed some suspicions, and enjoyed reading it all."

"Scott,

I stumbled upon your site and what you say works! I got out of open communication to talking on the phone in 4 messages. [...]

eHarmony is an awesome system, better than any other dating site, but your site is makes eHarmony twice as good.

Thanks. If you are ever in [City], I want to buy you a beer. Or maybe name my first born after you."

(A female response to a "Profile Clinic" article) "Dear Mr. Grey, I am not a Google member, so cannot post a comment to your blog but I really enjoyed reading today's blog, and agree with your comments for [the guy's who's profile I edited.] Would you consider giving him my email address?"

"Hi Scott,

I'm a new eharmony member and I have been reading your blog. It's a very interesting read and most of your ideas make a lot of sense to me. I feel that your strategies are backed by a genunie sense of goodness and appreciation for self and others. [...] I'm excited to learn more."

"I would like to thank you for your eHarmonyCracked blog. After I reading a few posts, I got hooked. The advice is great and some of the stories are priceless."

My story goes... I signed up a little over 3 months ago with a promotional code. About 3 weeks (ago) before my membership was to expire, I found your blog. Your advice helped me to get more responses and to get into open communication quicker."

"Thanks again for your advice. [...] I had a date with [identifier] on Saturday and it went well. I inivted her backto my apt and we watched some TV and kissd. On the way out, she pushd me into the wall in the elevator on the way out and made out with me some more. She texted me later to "thank me again" and "that she promised to be a lot less shy next time". Not exactly sure what I've done right, but things are good."

The martial artist meets eHarmony...

Well, once again, it was time to renew my "personal defense" training at work.

Besides reviewing maneuvers that I hadn't used in over a year, they did revise the introductory coursework. And added a startling statistic.

Basically, this: Every time you're in a (real) fight, the chances that you'll walk away without a serious injury drop in half every 15 seconds. I'm not sure I remember the statistic exactly, but you get the idea - the longer you prolong the fight, the less likely you are to walk away.

But, after thinking about it, this makes a lot of sense. If you can't take your opponent out quickly with your best maneuvers, more time is probably not going to make much of a difference.

Yet, in people's eHarmony profiles, I see people making this mistake a lot. They take a decent, intriguing idea.... and then keep on adding more.

As a result, the profile almost always gets worse.

Short profiles are good. They're confident. And they demonstrate that your online "life" isn't nearly as important as your real life.

So... if the section that you're working on is successfully opening an emotional door.... stop. A strong 1-2 sentence answer is almost always better than a longer one.

(P.S. If you're in a real fight, and it does go long? Never give up. You'll always lose if you stop trying.)

Is she the one? How to know for sure!

So, after following Neil Clark Warren's expert guidance, you've found a great woman.

But, is she really the one?

After considerable research, I've uncovered yet another scientific test to help you figure it out.

(Believe it or not... this guy wasn't joking.)

Enjoy! (Click on the image for a bigger picture.)

"Milestones", and why they shouldn't matter!

A common theme to questions on the Google Group, lately, has been, "I'm having trouble with (a milestone)."

In fact, I answered one specific question recently.

It seems like these "milestones" cause a lot of problems with guys.

Getting the phone number. Getting the first date. Getting the first kiss. When she's "officially" a girlfriend. Having sex for the first time. Meeting the family. The list goes on and on.

The funny thing is? Most of the time, the barriers are in the guy's mind.

Bottom line, when a girl likes a guy, she's unlikely to deny the natural progression of the relationship. But, when you make it look like a milestone event, she'll pause.

If you're spending all your time together, and not dating other people... congratulations. She's your girlfriend. And nothing really needs to be said at all.

If you're comfortable with each other, things are getting hot and heavy, and neither of you have real mental or moral barriers... sex is going to happen.

Want her to meet your parents? When your parents are having an event, invite her along.

Don't feel like doing any of these things yet? Don't force it. That's guaranteed to make you both uncomfortable.

If she refuses? It's rare, but, when it happens, don't let it hurt you. Just say, "I understand", and let it go. You can always try again later.

But, most of the time... women won't get weird unless they feel like you're forcing something, or you otherwise make her think it should.

Posts will be in the evening

This week, I will be putting up my blog posts in the evening.

... and thanks for continuing to read eHarmony Cracked!

On the date, focus on emotions, not facts.

Recent posts have stressed the theme of how most guys, in order to let women know more about them (and for them to get to know the woman) focus on facts. And I've also been discussing how sharing each other's emotional worlds can be a much more effective strategy.

This applies to the date, as well.

A lot of people who are new to dating flounder in the facts. What have you done? What are you doing? What things do you like? Where and when did you do these things?

Actually, it's better to use these questions as pathways to open emotional worlds - not to ask further factual questions.

So, let's say that you've learned that the woman works as a teacher.

You could follow up with facts. What school do you work at? How long have you worked there? Where did you go to college? And once you've exhausted those facts, you could move on to other facts - where she grew up, and so on.

But you'd be missing out giving her an opportunity to share her emotional world.

Is teaching something that she's always wanted to do? Is this the culmination of her dream? If not, what were her dreams? If so, what fantasies did she have on going into this field? Has reality been as good as her dreams?

What keeps her going at the job? What things is she most enthusiastic about? What are the challenges that she overcomes?

Once you open that emotional gateway, you'll have a lot more questions.

And, in return, she'll ask you questions that are just as good.

And, after the first date, you'll have much more of an emotional connection than she'll experience with most guys.

And that's a good thing.