"You might make a decent friend..."

In my "fourth wall" article, a few days ago, a few people stopped and wondered... Why would I even say "And if the chemistry's not there, you seem like you might make a decent friend"?

Well, the line isn't original - I think that David DeAngelo was the first one to popularize it. (However, the "chemistry" part is, essentially, hijacked eHarmony dogma.) It's a "spice" - something that, if used correctly, can add a little bit of excitement to the chase.

It usually comes in soon after arranging the date, although it can be used at other times. But the reason that I mention that time is because, around the point where you're asking her to meet up, a woman might begin to feel like she's convinced you of her worth. That she can sit back, relax, and take you (or not) whenever she's ready. In extreme cases, you become an emotional tampon. (Although, this happens from a chain of errors - not from a failure to use any particular spice.)

This "spice", essentially, lets her know that she hasn't won you over yet. And lets her know that you still haven't made up your mind about her.

Of course, there are problems with this spice as well. If she sees you more as a friend than an object of desire, this can reinforce her belief. It amplifies attraction - it doesn't create it out of nothing. And, if a woman is very vulnerable, it could, theoretically, lead to a self-esteem meltdown.

But it's a usable tool that's worked well for me. It serves as a minor irritant that forces her to work harder for my interest.

Of course, if you're doing well (or better) without it... feel free to ditch it. It's only a spice, after all.