Why most people can't write good profiles

In other areas, pick-up artists have a lot of things they can use to get a woman's attention.

They can used canned openers which they know women respond to.

They can grab attention with a unique cocky and funny remark.

They can write attention-grabbing first emails.

But, on eHarmony, those tricks are stripped away. All you have is your profile. You have to get a woman's attention by presenting yourself in an interesting way.

Acually, that's not so hard to do. If you have friends, what do you usually do when you get together? You tell stories. You talk about your plans, what's going on in your life, and gossip about the other people in your life. They do the same. And you interest each other enough that you want to keep meeting to do the same thing.

So, if you're doing it all the time, why is it so difficult to write a profile?

It boils down to one word -- fear.

With your friends, you can talk because you know that they're probably going to like their stories. But, when you throw it out to your eHarmony masses... the questions start to circle our heads:

Am I saying something that people will misinterpret?
Am I going to end up in a relationship like that other one?
What if no one likes this?
Is anyone going to actually understand what I'm interested in?
What if she doesn't think I'm funny?

So, we play it safe. We try to weasel out of tricky questions, because we're afraid that people won't like our answers. We put up our defenses, to make sure that another woman doesn't do the same thing the last one did. And we're so busy being safe that we don't succeed in telling our stories.

And, when we don't get responses, the questions become louder. We scan our profiles, trying to edit out anything that might offend someone. And, actually, the profile gets worse in the process!

A good eHarmony profile is not safe. At my peak, about 1 woman in 10 sent me the message, "Based on statements made in the profile, I'm not interested in this match".

Did I really care? No. I still had dates every week. And I had more women wanting to meet me than I could schedule. So, why do I want to waste time with a woman who won't like who I am?

When you put yourself out there, and people respond... it's a great feeling.

So, how do you recognize and conquer these fears? Tune in for my next article.