Just the other day, I recieved an email that illustrates the point of my last article beautifully. He writes:
"Glad to see you got a blog going. Lately I have turned matches back on on eHarmony and I can not get any of these women to respond. I need to add some more humor in my profile but I am not sure what it is missing that would cause them to not respond, I do have 2 good pic's posted as well, so if you could do a profile critique, I would love to get your opinion. Profile attached. "
No responses... but no rejections either. I'm getting a sense of what's wrong already. You're not generating interest. Let's see why. I'll channel my inner diva, and we'll take a look, from a hypothetical woman's perspective. (I gotta warn you. She's harsh. But you can learn a lot from her. And it's great entertainment.) Let's start with the first part:
1. What are you most passionate about?
I am passionate about making sure I try to live all areas of my life to the fullest. Those areas include many different things
He's typed almost 25 words, and, so far, has only stated a platitude. He's said nothing interesting about himself... so we're off to a very shaky start. But, hey, I've had a good strong cup of coffee, and I feel like ranting. So, let's give him a chance...
, right now one of them is focusing more on what my next travel destination is and what new culture I can learn about. I have learned over the years that life get's pretty routine if you are only focused only on your career.
Well, we've reached something that MIGHT be interesting... he's passionate about the next trip he's taking. That took seven words. Other than those seven words, he drifts off into platitudes again. So... I'm still very bored. So far, he looks like those other boring profiles I passed up...
2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
- Health
- Friends abd Family
- Career
If you had typed something interesting in step 1, I might forgive that you've said the same things here that 90% of the other guys have said. But, you didn't. And I'm still bored! (And you can't spell "and"?)
3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
It's hard for me to select one individual person that has had the most impact on my life. I have tended to pull little things here and there from all sorts of people that have been involved in my life.
Moving from boring to wimpy. Is it really true that he can't think of any specific person who's had an impact on his life? Doubtful. It's probably because he's too much of a weenie to actually say something about himself.
4. The four things your friends say about you are:
Respectful
Intelligent
Easy-Going
Funny
... I'm not seeing it so far. In fact, it seems inconsistent with the rest of the profile.
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?
· Using humor to make friends laugh
· Being a good friend and companion
· Making improvements and repairs around the house
Yup. I'm glad I've finally found a man who can fix my appliances... take me now.
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
Of course everyone wants the person in their life to have a sense of humor, but most of all I like a woman that has a beautiful energy to her and is happy about life. Show me a beautiful smile and a woman who is happy about life and living it and you'll have my attention.
Oh, boy. I get to compare myself to a list of more platitudes. How flattering.
7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I think they notice that I am a funny, interesting and cool person to get to know.
Anyone can say that they're funny, interesting and cool. But you aren't showing it.
8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I haven't noticed anything that they don't notice about me right away :-)
Another question dodged - wimp. And I still haven't learned why you're worth spending more time with...
9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
Let's see....it's seems to be changing, I have a variety of things I like to spend my time doing, one in particular is skeet shooting...it's great to get outside with my friend and shoot some clay pigeons, we usually go early in the morning and it's right on the water overlooking the bay...I love it. As far as all the other things I spend time doing, you'll have to ask me if, and when we meet.
Okay. You said something that separates you from the other people. But I still don't relate to it. Much less see why it's worth getting up early in the morning. It's a hobby, I suppose, but I'm not intrigued. And, right now, I'm struggling to stay awake reading this profile, much less expressing any interest in meeting you.
10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
Air Conditioning
Good people in my life
XM Radio
Friends/Family
A little peace and quite from time to time
Maybe if you talked about some of these things, I might relate. Too bad you misspelled quiet...
11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Reed? Wha's reeding mean, like reeding comic bouks and stuph. Ohh..READING...
Boy, that was a desparate attempt at humor... If you're funny, it isn't forced.
Well I read a lot of very thick technical books in order to advance my career. But as far as reading for pleasure, I don't take a lot of time for that, but I do try and get most of the books I want to read on tape or CD.
Don't care. Quit making excuses, wimp.
The one I am currently listening to is "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind"
And then you end it. So, all it is to me is an isloated title. You haven't raised my interest at all, yet...
12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know
They know that I am determined in life. That if I try something out weather it be a business venture or a new way of doing things and it doesn't succeed, I will bounce back and move onto my next challenge.
If at first you don't succeed, give it 105%! Make lemons out of lemonade! Every cloud has a silver lining! G-d, I'm so sick of these platitudes.
13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
I would like them to know I am a hard nut to crack because I see how many woman these day's are very shallow and only after what can benefit them,because of this I am a challenge, mysterious, funny, and not afraid to put you in your place with a little verbal playfulness
:-) Please be unique and special, more than just a pretty face. Beauty is common, It's something your parents or that plastic surgeon downtown gave you. What counts is what you make of yourself, do you have a beautiful energy about you, an enticing personality?...then I am all ears.
The diva has left the building. Mutterred something about "This guy has issues".
I get what you're trying to do with this paragraph. Many pick-up artists advocate making a woman qualify herself to be with you. But a woman won't qualify herself unless she has some interest in you. And, so far, you haven't provided that interest. It's the wrong time.
Actually, the diva was harsh. But she's seen a lot of profiles. And, actually, your profile is about as bad as the average chump's, so it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. The problem is, desirable women have plenty of average profiles to read.
How can we fix this? I don't think I have the basis to write a GREAT profile. But, I think we can raise women's interest levels to a point where you'll get some responses.
Here's where I'd apply the band-aids. You'll want to change the wording, so you sound like you instead of me.
Question 1: Cut the introduction down to, "I'm passionate about a lot of things, but, right now, I'm really stoked about my next vacation -", and tell her one thing that you're really looking forward to doing. And make it something interesting - something she'll want to ask questions about.
Question 3: Don't be a wimp. What's an important lesson you learned in your life? Is it a lesson people relate to? Who taught it to you?
Question 4 & 5: Make the adjectives consistent with the rest of the profile. And lose the "I can fix things in the house for you."
Question 6: Pick one quality. You might do well with, "I'm happy with my life. It's important that you be happy with yours, too." There. You've set a bar that people understand.
Question 7: Say one thing, and demonstrate it.
Question 8 & 12: Answer the questions. It doesn't have to be deep. Just a little interesting. "I have a hidden collection of Wayne Newton records". "I've got an irrational fear of red socks." Anything is better than what you've already written.
Question 9: Why is skeet-shooting exciting to you? Is it time with your friend? If so, what makes his company that interesting? Is it the feeling you get when you hit your targets? Give her an emotion. Let her know why it keeps you intrigued. Focus on the feeling, not the event.
Question 10: Correct your typo. Otherwise, it's not bad...
Question 11: She doesn't care about what you read at work, or if you heard it on audio. Just pick a book you liked, and tell her why it intrigued you.
Question 13: Dump it. Keep it simple. How about... "Intrigued? Let's communicate."
Answer this way... and she'll know a little bit about you. When you give her a little bit, she'll want to know more.
Write me back. Let me know how you do. Good or bad, I'll share it with everyone.
Why is writing an intriguing profile hard? And why are they so uncommon? That's the subject of my next article...
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