Profile Clinic: Stop... talking... please!

In my blog, I've repeatedly written about the profile's true purpose: To create just enough interest for a woman to start working to get to know you better.

Some people provide too little detail to engage interest. Some provide too much.

I'll admit, it's a fuzzy concept. Unfortunately, I can't come up with some set-in-stone way to measure whether a profile's detail is "enough".

But, luckily, in our Google Group, Todd provided us a profile that falls squarely on the side of "too much". And gives me an opportunity to illustrate when he's reached that point.

I won't go through his entire profile - my criticism would get repetitive, and, yes, his profile IS long.

But, let's take one of the sections, where he describes the woman he's looking for:

The most important thing to me is excited curiosity. You are someone who is fun at heart and curious about the world. Your eyes sparkle when you are happy and your smile lights up a room. You might be a bit of a geek at heart (not in the tech way, but in the crafty retro/mod way). You have read Craft, ReadyMade and might have heard of Make. You enjoy being outdoors for a walk on the beach or a weekend of car camping. You like to read but also have TV shows you enjoy too. If you enjoy boardgames and logic puzzles even better!

This reminds me of an old joke about a little boy who spends days digging through a pile of manure, smiling and laughing. One day, a guy asks the boy, "Why are you so excited? You're just digging through a pile of manure!"

The boy replies, "With all this manure... there's got to be a pony here somewhere!"

Okay, there's a pony here. Let's find it.

The most important thing to me is excited curiosity.

A good, assertive start. But not enough detail to provide interest, in my opinion. At least not yet.

You are someone who is fun at heart and curious about the world.

Okay, he's demonstrating that he's someone who can mirror a woman who has energy, a sense of fun, and curiosity. Most women would value that. He's made his point.

He could stop here. I would. (I'd just clean up the text a little bit.)

Let's go on:

Your eyes sparkle when you are happy and your smile lights up a room.

If he stopped here, I think it would still be okay. But I think it's still just as strong (if not stronger) without it.

You might be a bit of a geek at heart (not in the tech way, but in the crafty retro/mod way). You have read Craft, ReadyMade and might have heard of Make.

Now, we're running into problems.

First, there's some weaseling. And it kills the assertiveness that he's built so far.

Next is a more difficult problem.

He's setting a standard that most women won't feel good with. Even most geeks feel a little bit of shame.

Now, if he really wants an unashamed geek-girl, more power to him. But, as I've mentioned yesterday, eHarmony is not the best place to look for women with narrow interests.

If he doesn't... why is he putting it here? Especially when he could have stopped 2 sentences ago?

You enjoy being outdoors for a walk on the beach or a weekend of car camping.

First of all, most women will interpret "walk on the beach" as a cliched romantic bribe. And if that's the best of what you offer... not many women will be interested. These need to be avoided.

Car camping? Again, you're really narrowing the field. Again. Be very careful and deliberate when you do this.

You like to read but also have TV shows you enjoy too.

I don't really know what this sentence adds. It does cut down on the excitement that a "short and punchy" response would bring.

If you enjoy boardgames and logic puzzles even better!

Again, narrowing the field, and admitting this isn't really important. And pulling the emphasis away from something that was "catchy". Why do it?

Anyway, thanks, Todd, for letting me use your profile.

And I hope that this helps to illustrate when you've reached "interesting enough"... and when you've gone past that point.