But I'm perfect! Why did she close me?

It's the eHarmony beginner's lament.

A profile catches the beginner's eye.

He tells himself, "Wow! She's wants a guy who's just like me!"

He might even edit his profile to emphasize the similarity. (A big mistake, as I've already said.)

A few days later, the beginner sees that his "perfect match" just closed him.

Beginner screams, "WTF??? I was exactly everything she asked for. Why would she close me?"

Well, there are lots of reasons.

Let me give you a few.

It may have nothing to do with you at all!
A lot of people subscribe eHarmony to test the waters. They're not ready to date, but they want to see what the dating world is like.

Others have found other guys. They're not quite ready to become officially exclusive... but their heart is set on someone else. They'll troll eHarmony for "backups", but they're not ready to meet someone new. At least for now.

So... you may be exactly what she's looking for. But she's not ready for your offer right now.

Relax. It's not always about you.

She knows what she needs. She's just not attracted to it.
Some women come to eHarmony after a horribly bad relationship. Or, maybe even a string of horribly bad relationships.

These people are in a state where they see that the guys they left (or the guys who left them) weren't the type of guys that they could develop a stable relationship with.

So, they put up eHarmony profiles telling the world all about how they're looking for the guy that their "bad boy" exes weren't. Respectful. Christian. Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, curteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty... you get the idea.

These women know what they need.

But they don't know what attracts them.

In fact, many of the scuzzier PUAs mark folks like this as targets.

Because, when a woman says this, the experienced PUA knows that she's attracted to "bad boys". And has a history of being unable to control that attraction.

Remember, folks. When a woman says that she needs to feel safe, safety may be necessary for her to have a relationship. But it doesn't replace attraction.

She's saying what she thinks she should say.
Finally, there is a self-perpetuating cycle on eHarmony.

Women do want to attract the most eligible guys out there. Just like guys want the most eligible women.

And they make the same mistakes we do. (It's little wonder why I have so many female readers.)

Among them? Saying the same things that everyone else does.

Describing what they think other people want, instead of who they really are, and what they really want.

Did you REALLY think she'd tell you what makes her weak in the knees?

Finally, a reality check here.

Let's suppose that a woman really does know what attracts them to a guy. (And that's not a common thing, by the way.)

Do you really think she's going to feel safe revealing these "secrets" to people she doesn't know?

Doubtful. It'd be a very unsafe thing to do.

And you can't expect a woman to do that on an eHarmony profile.

Relax. Read between the lines of her text. Get to know her.

Pretty soon, if she's open to talking to you, you'll know what she's really looking for.

Now, whether the two of you work well together - that's up to you.