It's time to go. At least for now.

Long-time readers have noticed that I haven't posted any "War stories" from my eHarmony search. For quite awhile.

And I have to admit - lately, my search has been pretty undramatic.

Sure, I was communicating with a lot of women. As usual, some had no business using eHarmony, and many were exceptional (in their own ways), but not right for me.

But, lately... that chemistry has been lacking. In any of the people that I'd been talking to. No matter how attractive they were, how much (or little) we had in common, or how the "friendly" banter went.

For awhile, I was thinking that I was having a bad run. Bad luck. A string of bad women.

And I had been taking breaks from my search, because it was feeling like my search was becoming a grind. And it wasn't fun anymore.

But, lately, I'm thinking that the lack of fun doesn't have much to do with the women that I had been meeting. It has more to do with me.

The fact is, I came to eHarmony in pretty bad shape. I was coming out of a bad marriage. And the marriage consumed my life. I didn't have many friends. I knew that I was interested in remarrying someday, but, unfortunately, there are very few places to meet eligible Jewish singles in my community.

And, for awhile, meeting strangers was a thrill. But, now, I'm wondering if it's a wrong turn.

The fact is, meeting folks through eHarmony is still a process of meeting strangers. And, maybe, to build a connection with someone, I need more than an automated email introduction and a guided communication process.

So... I think, for now, it's time to leave my eHarmony search, and focus on enjoying the rest of my life. I'm sure that I'll meet people in the persuit of my passions. And, maybe, I'll meet a great woman along the way. If not... no loss. I'll still have a fantastic life.

Don't worry folks. I'll leave the blog up. I have no regrets about my eHarmony and seduction experiences. Learning to get my mojo back - to be that desirable man - was improtant to me, and I'm sure it's important to a lot of my readers. I'll leave my Google Group up, as well. And I'll continue to work with the people who have requested my coaching services, for as long as they still feel that I'm useful to them. (As far as accepting new people? I'll cross that bridge when I'm asked.)

And, maybe, someday, I might be inspired to return to my postings. But not today.

Thanks for reading. You've all been an important part of my journey. And good luck to you all.

Creating a success spiral (Or: "Positive thinking isn't just hippie bullcrap.")

I've talked a lot about the "failure spiral".

It's the mental state that people enter when they're unsuccessful on eHarmony.

As a result of their beliefs that they're failing, men start doing more of the things that identify themselves as undesirable.

Some smart readers might ask, "Instead of creating a failure spiral, can you create a success spiral?"

Absolutely.

And, as hokey as this sounds, it may start with you imagining yourself as the captivating, interesting guy that you want to be.

At first, that image will be a little vague and blurry. That's okay.

But, as you keep on reflecting on who you want to be, you'll start noticing subtle differences between how you behave in your imagination, and how you're acting now.

Notice those differences. And start turning yourself into the guy you're imagining.

Now, I know. There are tons of new-age gurus who give that advice. They might call it "The Secret", "Visualization", "Affirmations", or, even "Prayer".

But, in my opinion, a major reason why these things really work isn't because of supernatural forces. (Although, if you want to say those forces are in play, as well, I won't argue with you.) But all of these techniques are ways of creating a habit of imagining yourself as the person you want to be, and reflecting upon what needs to change in order to become that person.

And that's a good habit to be in.

Those "card list" women...

A long time ago, I talked about something that I call the "Card List" - a place that I put women, who, for whatever reason, seem too difficult to have in a relationship, but, given time, might grow up a little.

Well, seeing as it's the Jewish New Year, I sent my usual batch of email cards out. With quite a few women replying.

So, what do I really do with them?

Well, if they just write back something along the lines of, "Happy New Year to you too", I don't do anything. People who write something like this are usually just being polite. Any response would probably be too much.

But, fair is fair. If my memories with them were particularly unpleasant, and I've got better women on the line... I'll usually talk about being busy, and drop things quickly.

And, yes, if you play this game, you will get a few "attention whores" - women who want the ego stroke of keeping you on the line. You'll usually be able to quickly figure out who these women are. And consider if they're worthy of your next card distribution.

But, yes. A few women, given time to mature, and the knowledge that you did move to greener pastures before... will start to come in line.

And they're the ones that (barely) make the card list worth it.

When your career "intimidates" your dates...

It's a "cycle of defeat" that hurts both men and women.

Men often come to eHarmony with high hopes. After all, they're accomplished doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs... or whatnot. And they expect women to come flocking to them, because they've got a solid career.

That rarely works. And guys often think that they're intimidating women with their career choices.

In women? Surprisingly, you can often see the same thing, as this blogger notes.

So... is it possible that your high-powered career is scaring the crap out of your potential dates?

Well, it can happen. A lot of my dates, at first, will make not-so-joking comments about their fears about dating someone with my career. I'm sure that a few women did decide to run away rather than find out more about me.

But, really. If a someone is that scared of me, because of my accomplishments... what does that say about her?

To me - it says she's easily scared. Or that her self-esteem is really low.

In that case - I'm glad she's disqualified herself. And, in the time I saved myself in avoiding that date, I'm out finding five other (and much more worthy) women.

So, no. When it happens, I don't get upset.

But, often, men and women might say this to themselves when they're not doing well on eHarmony.

And they're often overlooking something important.

As I've commented before (and my female commentor agreed), career accomplishments are not enough to make yourself stand out from the crowd.

You need to show people what other things about you make you interesting.

You can't just stand on the laurels of your career accomplishments.