What creates attraction? What creates comfort?

In my previous articles, I've thrown out the terms "building attraction" and "building comfort". However, I'm now realizing that I've never really attempted to define these terms.

Let's try to solve this problem.

"Attraction", in it's early stages, is a state of enjoyable tension and anxiety.

In the beginning, it comes by expressing hints that you have traits that she finds desirable, but are difficult to find in others. And it comes from being uncertain that she will be able to catch or hold your attention.

Attraction creates energy, tension, and excitement. But, if the level of excitement becomes too high, it stops being enjoyable, and starts to become scary. It becomes... uncomfortable.

So, when attraction is starting to become scary, "comfort" needs to be built.

"Comfort" builds a sense that, if a woman continues to peruse you, she's not going to be hurt. It comes from sharing the same goals in a relationship (whether it's a quick shag, or to consider each others' long-term potential). From not being so critical that she fears disrespect. And, later in the relationship, that you share common values.

They're the qualities that make someone a good friend. Someone you know, and can rely upon. And it's an important part of a relationship, especially in the long-term.

But, if "attraction" isn't there... you're "just friends." You're the guy who's reliable, who understands her, and won't leave. You're a fixture in her life, but not an object of desire.

And female friends can be great. But they're not girlfriends. And it's rare that they'll turn into girlfriends later.

Let's go over some specific "problems" in attraction and comfort tomorrow.