Be fun, not ingratiating.

So, what aspects of your personality do you want to cultivate, in order to be seen as both attractive, and a good long-term prospect for a relationship?

That's a tough question. I don't know if any one person can come up with the answer.

But, in my experience, I can tell you about a blend that seems to be working for me. And, although I still haven't found the person that I want to stay with... I find that most of my ex-girlfriends still want me back. And I usually have to beat them away pretty hard.

It's a high quality problem, I suppose...

For the first aspect? It's a way to avoid the "nice guy" trap of trying to attract a woman by being ingratiating, agreeable, and tactful.

When you do this, women may have a pleasant date. (Until they've been given too much, and feel pressure to reciprocate.) Unfortunately, they don't feel attracted to men who use these tactics as their lures.

I don't blame "nice guys" for trying this tactic. They're trying to make a woman feel good. But, when a guy works so hard to avoid any perceived offense, it fails. Miserably.

So, if being a "nice guy" fails to create attraction, what does?

And that comes to the first rule of initial attraction: Be fun to be with.

A woman doesn't want to be with a man for his ability to be ingratiating. She will want to be with you because you are unique and fun to be with.

What aspects of your personality make you "fun?"

That's a little different for everybody. And there's no genuine personality type that's fun for every woman.

Some people have a great wit and sense of humor. If not overused (to a point where it's masking other aspects of your personality, or looking like you're trying too hard to impress), it's a great tool.

Others have interesting stories. About travel. Or their life experiences. Or their hobbies.

Some can take women on interesting, unique experiences during their dates. Or show really insightful understanding of subjects that women take interest in.

Bottom line? Find what qualities you have that make women feel like they want to spend time with you.

And show her how you're different from the other men out there.

Because a man who really knows how to make a woman happier in his presence, in the end, is displaying the essence of attraction.

P.S. Yes, the pickup artists have a lot of routines that can provide some of the needed "spice". But you can't overrely on them, if you're looking for a long-term relationship. If you want to use a few of them that fit in with your overall personality, fine. But overall reliance on "tricks" can get you in trouble. Fast.